Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML
Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML
Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML
Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML
Today, it's the first day that my overbearing and too-controlling parents are gone on a 2-week-long vacation, trusting me enough to take care of the house while they're gone. So far, I've broken a plate (it was in the microwave less than a minute before it exploded) and the power's gone out. Bad omens? FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they "thought I would be lonely." I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML
Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML
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Top comments
TopBanana20 11
It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.
AninOnin 24
Go buy some?
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Comments (229)
gummybear86 2
It's funny how people keep saying "you'll make it, it's only two weeks", I have a very hard time making it one day without. Even at work I want it!! :)
sp00ky_fml 5
Self control!
your_face 15
The only way I see this being fair is if OP's spouse is adopted. Otherwise, the in-laws are being hypocrites.
pipc 10
I think this will be good for you.
hahahayeahnope 3
In-laws. Implying you're married. And they forbid anything remotely sexual between husband and wife? And your spouse is okay with this? ...Wow. Time to re-evaluate the marriage, methinks.
sulitak 27
I wouldn't want to do it at my in-laws house... or my own parents house. That wouldn't be the hard rule for me.
Le_Tsu 1
Did you forget your fingers, too?
Urzaknight 4
I live in one those houses. I know thy pain.
janro72 10
their roof their rules. so just get out of the house and you find your loophole
TheMystery13 13
The smoking and drinking I agree with, but the rest... We as humans MUST rebel against religion. "Shit piss **** **** cocksucker ************ **** fart turd twat." - Chant this relentlessly until they **** OFF.
Eleanor6141 11
2 Weeks? REALLY op ?? the least you could do is respect someone else's house hold seeing as they invited you into their home, grow some balls and man up!
Shade1982 21
Lol, I seriously disagree with how this has anything remotely to do with respect. The drinking, smoking and swearing, yeah, but beyond that? No.
fulgura 10
Who needs a battery pack when you have elbow greaze?