Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML
Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML
Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML
Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML
Today, it's the first day that my overbearing and too-controlling parents are gone on a 2-week-long vacation, trusting me enough to take care of the house while they're gone. So far, I've broken a plate (it was in the microwave less than a minute before it exploded) and the power's gone out. Bad omens? FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they "thought I would be lonely." I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML
Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML
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Top comments
TopBanana20 11
It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.
AninOnin 24
Go buy some?
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Comments (229)
WCARlover 35
You'll survive...anyone else thinking this isn't exactly FML worthy?
EMTchic 14
You said you are staying at your in-laws . . . In that case, shouldn't your spouse be with you??? In which case, you shouldn't need a toy, as long as the two of you can keep it down. And if you can't stay quiet, I don't see how a toy is going to change that.
wickedninja918 1
unless op's bf listens to his parents' rules
TrailblazerSS 5
It sure looks like you screwed yourself. No? Okay..
Enslaved 38
Okay, so just use your hands instead. Aren't you "married" if they're your in-laws? Surely they'd know you would be sexual. . .unless you're visiting without your husband being there.
UsernameHere234 13
Thank you for pointing out the obvious. No one just uses their hand anymore do they?
benmec 18
Yes! Use your hands, but more importantly....your imagination. The mind is the most erotic of all!
hulksmash666 5
You'll survive.
lostcrazydiamond 10
You'll live. No drinking, smoking, or cursing for two weeks is something that is totally achievable. It's their house; humor their rules. As for no sex, are they going to chaperone 24/7?
agsilver 14
Use it the old-fashioned way, in and out, in an out.
ladylilly25 20
That's what you have fingers for. ;)
ICastillo 25
Yeah OP you just have to flick the bean.
teotsi 28
Fists will work too.
SaturnV 25
Probably best to honor the rules of their home for the duration of your stay, though I would imagine the no sex rule would be difficult for them to enforce if you are discreet. Speak to your husband about scheduling shorter visits with his parents or staying at a hotel in the future.
perdix 31
You can keep your sanity even if you go two hole weeks without sexual gratification. I've done it many times and look how normal I am!
wickedninja918 1
perdix is right, you are deffinatly going to go insane.
SWhimsynBubbaS 14
If thats normal then im afraid to see what insane would be