Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML
Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML
Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML
Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML
Today, it's the first day that my overbearing and too-controlling parents are gone on a 2-week-long vacation, trusting me enough to take care of the house while they're gone. So far, I've broken a plate (it was in the microwave less than a minute before it exploded) and the power's gone out. Bad omens? FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they "thought I would be lonely." I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML
Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML
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Top comments
TopBanana20 11
It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.
AninOnin 24
Go buy some?
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Comments (229)
kainpwnsu 19
In-laws, you say? Isn't that what your HUSBAND is for, or does he require batteries, too?
asherm 15
Seriously?! Your married!! And you can't have sex? I'd stay in a hotel
HitchHiker42 18
"Oh, it's only two weeks." Right, because I'll bet every single person who said that could go two weeks without masturbating. Idiots.
charvisioku 22
Yep, most people can actually. It might not be nice but there are much worse things that could happen. 'Idiot'.
macs4evr 7
Wow. Can't stand 2 weeks? Nympho much?
johnny_derp 3
****-shaming much?
echosaints 5
Am I the only one who noticed op said "its the first day in their house" which means they wanted to have some fun right when she got there? why didn't u get ur "fix" before u went. And the not drinking and smoking rule is a reasonable request in someone else's house. But how will they know if u have sex?
dreamer9614 3
*husband
NickPaulson 6
How about your spouse?
Zehla 7
You are an adult and yet they treat you like you are 14? What do they think you do with their son at night, pillow fight? Ydi for marrying into a lunatic family...lol
BrotherTheo 31
My thinking here is...You went into this situation with open eyes right? You knew before staying in their home what the rules where. If you didn't like them, you didn't have to stay there. *shrugs*. I'm not saying their rules make any sense whatsoever or that I agree with them mind you, but when you go into their home, you accept that you will, in fact, agree to them. Nobody's forcing you to stay at their home. You are an adult. you have other options. You can stay at your home, where you can do whatever you want.
FalconWhitaker 20
Guess you'll have to please yourself manually.