Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML
Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML
Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML
Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML
Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one calling me from down the hall. FML
Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML
Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I've spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML
Today, I went out to go meet up with a guy. I walked all the way to his house just to see him. Then he made me hide behind a bush till his girlfriend left. FML
Today, at my workplace, I caught a kid trying to break into my boss's car, as well as my own. After warning him that I'd call the police if I caught him again, he left. Then, after I got home, I heard weird noises right outside my door. It was him again, trying to break into my house. FML
Today, I went with my friend door-to-door selling chocolates. We went to the first house, and the guy decided to buy a chocolate from each of us. He didn't have change and neither did we, so he just took the chocolates and slammed the door in our face. FML
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Top comments
tswizz 13
Unless he's selling Cheetos, you might as well punch him in the face.
Mahendra1 9
Why do you need to hide? You both know you're in the house, and it's his time he's wasting if he keeps knocking. Just go about doing what you'd normally do and he'll get bored. You do realise it's not some kind of wacky scenario where you opening the door to him is inevitable, right?
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Comments (131)
tpm45 25
Don't hide... Just ignore him. Clearly you aren't going to buy anything, so he's wasting his own time.
Wizardo 34
Just call the police for harassment or if you're bad ass enough try and sell something to him instead... like your foot to his ass.
nightbirdblue 27
Crazy beats angry every time. Opening the door and saying, "Hello good sir, would you like to purchase this shoelace? It is made of angel's hair. It was blessed by the Greek Gods and traveled over eighty million miles from my neighbor's house for me to offer it to you today. You could barter your hat for it. I also have this lamp here. It is a wonderful deal of half a million dollars. This quite a sale as the last time I bought it for over a trillion dollars. Unfortunately, lamps have been linked to diabetes and no one wants lamps anymore. It is such a shame than people care about dragons so much, isn't it? Back when those dragons ruled the world, people won't throw ketchup at ponies. Now the whole world throws ketchup, mustard, and walruses at poor, defenseless airplanes. I weep for such atrocities. But that is not what you are here for, right? You are a thief coming to steal my precious year old ramen noodles. They are more valuable than gold! You cannot have them, unless you wed me! I promise I won't bite more than others would. If you refuse, I will have to throw turnips at you. Turnips are the symbol of fortune, don't you know? I used to be a carrot once, but I turned green and became a horse. Now that you understand will you get me a cat, one that is not too big and not too plump? Cats are beautiful creatures with seventeen noses and the most lovely wings. I also had wings once. They were amazing things, but I fed them to the Australian Zombies. They ate them with whipped cream and swords. I could sell you a sword if you wish. I have enough weapons and armor to supply the entire nation of Russia with cheese spread for years!" is more fun and will get people to avoid you better than threats.
iAlissa 34
44, that made me laugh way harder than it should have
TogeBara 12
I just used this on a telemarketer. They hung up after, "It is such a shame than people care about dragons so much, isn't it?" Quite disappointing as I was playing the role so well... :( I wasn't even laughing while I said it either...
nightbirdblue 27
They obviously care about dragons too much. Damn dragon lovers, you would think they want the sun to implode and fill the Earth with a huge flock of giant geese. I for one intend to lead the charge and ride a moose to work for the rest of my life. Praise Cheetos!
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
I wonder why you hid, it's your house. You should have opened the door and tell him to F off or else.
FailBear920 19
Op what you should do is invite him inside and go all Walter White on him and sell him the idea of starting a meth lab. Gets them everytime!
cuttlefished 7
I did that once without checking who it was. Turned out to be a police man. Woops.
ohhey_di 10
You shouldn't have to hide; it's your house. Just tell him you aren't interested
SpartanMerc 18
You could just solve the problem by answering and telling him he must leave your property or you call the cops.
elcee1987 18
Dude why give him the heads up? I'd let him knock for about 3 minutes before calling the cops and getting the popcorn. Or perhaps op needs a nice large attack dog. Salesmen love them.
nickob96 25
I would of called the cops. Tell them there's a man knocking on your door and won't go away. Trust me when the cops arrive or be sees you on the phone with them he'll leave...
blackwidowtaco 31
Jeez, what a persistent little ****** he is. And all this time I thought the telemarketers were worse!