Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML
Classic
Today, I pretended to be on the phone to avoid small talk with someone from my building. I spoke loudly into the phone while walking by them. My phone rang in the middle of my fake conversation. FML
Foiled
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML
Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML
Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures
Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML
Not very neighborly
Today, I pretended to be on a work call to avoid talking to my neighbour. Mid-fake call, my phone actually rang. I had to answer it and have two simultaneous conversations while avioding eye contact with my neighbour. FML
Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
**** off!
Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML
Top comments
adam3650 12
Good God. They're evolving.
yukumariooo 11
Pretended to be deaf, end up looking dumb... Sounds about fair.
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Comments (136)
adam3650 12
Good God. They're evolving.
Riku714 25
God have mercy on us all..
Bano360 25
They've learned to think for themselves.
sniken 14
doesn't anyone think the salesman could be pretending to know sign language? Probably not the first time he has met "deaf" people
Gothicbunnyx3 16
Or OP could've just not answered the door. It easier just to not make any noise and pretend you're not home than acting like a fool.
LowExpectations 30
Is it really that hard to tell people to **** off nowadays? Sure, you could be less blunt, but simply saying "No, I'm not interested" could save you so much time and awkwardness.
queerdragon 20
I agree. When someone comes to the door to ask if I would like to purchase something or hear about the good lord, I just tell them I am not interested. They might be annoying, but they are people too with desires and everyone needs a job. Save everyone time and just tell them to go away.
clever_name_here 7
Actually, if he was deaf, how would he know not to answer the door?
yukumariooo 11
Pretended to be deaf, end up looking dumb... Sounds about fair.
asparagus12 21
Haha! I see what you did there.
awkwardology 23
This is the first time that I've really wanted a "favourite" button for comments.
oj101 33
How hard can it be to just not answer the door, or politely decline and shut the door promptly?
ositoakaluis 16
Or when you answer the door don't say anything and just stare at them till they go away.
Sinistra_Blue 12
#103, when you said that I just imagine that picture of the cat with the dilated, creepy eyes saying "Your soul, it was delicious"
Pleonasm 36
Just give him the finger. The universal sign that you don't want to be bothered.
ABillOnFire 15
that's harsh, they don't wanna do thr job, they're just trying to make a living
Pleonasm 36
Because I actually meant it. Right.
Rainhawk94 27
people take.everything literal here huh.
Mossears133 15
It was poorly executed sarcasm. Just take your thumbs down quietly.
Rainhawk94 27
90% of sarcasm attempts here are shut down because people either don't know how to do it or once the fml community sees a comment thumbed down.they all go along with and thumb down
skitzymew 19
I don't care if I get downvoted for agreeing with 49. But it is true. Too many people on here take everything so literal. I highly doubt that this person was being serious. I read it sarcastically, why did everyone else have trouble with that?
Pleonasm 36
46- It's not even sarcasm it's being facetious you patronising ****.
tiernang 21
its the same thing.
Pleonasm 36
No, because there was no irony, I didn't mean the complete opposite of what I said, it wasn't bitter nor cutting. It was what it was: a simple joke. But feel free to take everything at face value and get butthurt over the internet. I hope you all have a very nice day, you bunch of very pleasant people. (Hint: THAT'S sarcasm)
gemstone586 12
I agree, people take things waaaay too seriously on here... This is exactly why Facebook does NOT need a dislike button. There are too many haters. Lighten the **** up!
bradyk42 6
EVERYBODY CALM THE **** DOWN JESUS ******* CHRIST.
KeXu 6
lalala thumbing down posts without reading them, la lala lala
RedPillSucks 33
How the hell does that work? Jesus can't **** Christ!
monkeyy100 15
Middle finger isint a universal sign it has different meanings in different countries :)
amDes 11
#101 I'm pretty sure "**** you" is the most universal saying for the middle finger... what does it mean where you live? "Have a great day"?
LordAres_fml 9
With the right Google search you would find exactly that. Rule 34
fml85483 19
No.
esines 9
Lol at the people getting butthurt over a joke
brewmasterg 34
Honestly, how hard is it to say 'I'm not interested', and close the door?
jw90 18
With how persistent they can be these days pretty damn hard. Some will stand at your door for a good half hour before giving up.
Anyb0dyTh 8
Don't feel bad or guilty; They are trained to be rude. I start off with a very firm NO. I don't add anything to it. If they open their mouth to protest, I raise the volume a lot. The third time they start to speak, I start to make a scene like they have been verbally abusing me, and I am fed up. !!! -Take it to the next level- !!! !!! - Don't be a chicken -!!!
MissMae93 23
33 - I just say, "No thank you" and close the door. No need to stand around and listen to them ramble on MY front step.
ilytyvm 25
It's really hard. it's hard to get rid of Jahova Witnesses too. I always tell them about how I'm a Satanist and that if they don't get the hell off my porch I'll send my demons after them. I'm not really a Satanist, BTW.
sniken 14
#45 I'm guessing saying you are a satanist only triggers them to talk more and encourages them to stay?
junkman6 22
It's a shadow war #5! They disturb our peaceful lazy Sundays. They deserve no mercy!
Shmatterhorn 38
It's easy for me to say no to a salesman since I live in a trailer court. The management does not allow them unless they have permission, and very few of them have the time to get it. Outside of the occasional flier the only salesman I get is the ice cream man in his truck.
jw90 18
45-you can send your demons after me. I'll exorcize them to the bottomless pits of the Underworld.
Enslaved 38
#5 Saying, "I'm broke as ****!" works too. (: And also I'm not a Jehovah's Witness but most of my extended family are; nothing personal #45 but I hate when people constantly put them down. JW will respect your wishes if you simply ask them not to return to your property. They take notes and will share it with the rest of the Kingdom Hall members. I hate how they get such a bad reputation when they just mean well. Treating them like shit make you that in my eyes.
zolziski 11
Maybe in your neck of the woods JW's respect people's wishes, but not where I am from. After repeatedly telling them I was not interested, and telling them not to waste their resources by putting their flyers in my mail box, they STILL drop off their propaganda and STILL try and gain access to my property to spread "the good word". Not even my cantankerous 87 year old grandmother can get them to give it up.
Enslaved 38
I don't know what to tell you. Sorry, but in the back of my mind I have doubt that you're as accurate as you might think. Maybe the dropping off the flyers etc.... happened "before you actually asked them not to bother you?". The organization are taught to all think similar and follow rules (your rules of "no trespassing" included) Why they wouldn't in your neighbourhood puzzles me. Also they are responsible to pay for those flyers personally-- out of pocket. They usually won't give them out to someone they know will throw them away. If I may suggest, if they do indeed return after you asked them not to, make a record of the time and date and remind them that "on April 4th I asked your group not to return." I promise you, it will stop. (:
zolziski 11
No, the dropping off of the flyers happened directly after I asked them to go away. They asked if they could leave some flyers behind. I said no. I told them I will just throw them away. They told me they were going to leave them anyway, and did. Might just be that the JW's in South Africa are more tenacious/rude?
RedPillSucks 33
Just answer the door with what looks like a bloody knife and a joker smile. Say that the homeowners can't come to the door right now
queerdragon 20
I live in the US and I have rude JWs and Mormons come to my house weekly. We finally called the police on many of them because they are so rude. I put up a sign asking people with religious messages not to come up to the door, but they ignore the huge ******* sign.
slickchrome 11
not every deaf person knows sign you could have gotten away with it, but anyways your kind of a prick for faking being handicap. it's insulting.
asparagus12 21
And you're kind of a prick for using shitty gramma.
DocBastard 40
Asparagus, if your going to insult someone's grammer, at least make sure you spell things rite. There grammer wasn't even that bad anyway, so your the prick.
Exhayle 20
Wow, just wow.
asparagus12 21
Haha @docbastard. Gramma. Autocorrect changed it the gramma. I feel like in from Jersey now. Oh and by the way, it is right not rite.
isuckok 11
I think he's ******* with ya asparagus.
MissMae93 23
37 - "Rite" is the only error you could find? Yup, you deserve to be picked on by Doc.
slickchrome 11
31- I wasn't aware proper grammar was required on a flapping app with the name that has 3 initials. how about you proof read your comments before you leave me and ignorant reply and ironically misspell exactly what your complaining about. tard.
ErinRosado 14
And the same goes for you!
bybib 20
Pretty sure you're taking this to personal.
slickchrome 11
I kno need 2 proof read: me liking them the way me smart phone makes them out two bee?
thrlyrist 6
* grammar
esines 9
How often do you say "gramma" that is autocorrects it to that?
SchmoozieQ 9
He probably knew you weren't deaf, because if you were, you wouldn't have heard a knock at the door.
dRpRdP 8
point there !!
slickchrome 11
touché
dRpRdP 8
#18 why so serious mate
jakeydudey 13
Just from reading some of these, I now have a wide array of options if answering the door to unwelcome people :O
ob81 8
I missed that key point. Good catch.
wackyducky0 2
Door chimes come equipped with a flashing strobe light and knock sensor that flashes too!
Xalandra 17
You deserve it. Grow up, act like a proper adult, and just tell them you're "not interested" next time.
dRpRdP 8
cheers for salesman.. :D he had his move ready
junkman6 22
It's so much easier to just answer the door naked.
benmec 18
Oh yuck!!! That has actually happened to me before. The poor guy had Down's syndrome. It was a quick "ok bye now."
ilytyvm 25
My best guy friend and I answered the door once, naked and covered in fake blood once. He even had this thing on his phone where it played a screetching cat noise. The guy practically ran screaming down the street when we glared and shouted at him for interrupting our sacrifice.
jasmine2301 25
48, you're my hero.
Prolux_fml 23
Personally, I just stand there and look at them disapprovingly through the glass on my front door and shake my head until they leave.
zRatio 6
Or, you could not of answered the door like you when Jehovas witness knocks.
jessBeAqueen 13
and tip toe around the house so they don't hear or see you, peak through the curtains to make sure they are gone and repeat when you see them come back around the block.