Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML
Today, I knew I was a small guy and finally about to get laid for the first time in years. Everything was going great, until she got my pants off. She stared at it, stared at me, stared back at it and said, "Yeah, that’s not gonna happen." Got dressed and left. Sadly this has happened many times. FML
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
Today, I was on a second date with a guy. Things got a little handsy and he pulled down his pants to reveal a micro-penis. He then smiled and asked me to be his girlfriend. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML
Today, I visited a friend out of state. We've been flirting for months and decided to fool around at night. He was very loving and attentive, but... he'd bragged about his dick being 6 inches and it ended up being not only thin, but very short. So thin and short that I couldn't really feel it. FML
Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML
Today, I met up with a girl I've been hanging out with a bunch recently. She said that we should be a couple, "unless you have a micropenis", then laughed. I actually do have a micropenis. I couldn't hold it together, and ran out of the bar, crying. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML
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Top comments
moonshine_bek 2
I don't care what anyone says, when it comes down to situations like this; size does really matter folks!
Neotoxx 5
LOL I feel bad for that guy
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Comments (124)
ghostwitch1863 0
only big packages please!
blackjack159 11
What packages? I hope your talking about parcel force packages ;)
speedy3dale 0
omg sry girl tat really sucks. wat a let down
LaLaJuice 0
fail
cadillackitty 0
Viagra!
sourgirl101 29
Why Viagra? Then she would have to deal with a tiny penis for 4/5 hrs. I think she's been though enough. OMG my iPhone just finish the word Viagra on it's own. I bet some people at the Apple store are getting some free samples!
ilysweetcupcake 1
I hope this never happens to me. FYL!
twistedavalon06 0
*****.
perdix 31
Now that you are back on the market, you should use this guy to develop mad deep-throating skills. Guys with normal-sized and big dicks will love what you've learned from training on the teeny-peeny. When you get to the point where you can take his whole length, teabag him and start to give him a rim job simultaneously, then you are ready to trade up to an average-sized ****.
Bay_Ridge 0
And after you do all that, I'll test you lol
kcyrusm 0
...and how do you expect her to practice deep throating on a small dick that doesn't even reach the back of her throat?
perdix 31
kcyrusm, I'm thinking that if she opens so wide to fit the rest of his itty-bitty junk and trying to wrap around for the asshole's asshole, she might get a bit of a tickle on her uvula, thus completing the first step of training. (I have no real knowledge about this. I just making it up.)
lolrofl818 0
lol yup i mean she'll never get good at a ******* lol rofl :)
perdix 31
Hey, where are you with that pizza, woman? Did you remember the extra cheese? I've had my assortment of edible lubes and boxes of Kleenex sitting out for days waiting for you!
perdix 31
WTF, that's so weird! You and I both know that you were going to terrorize me in my domicile, making you a domestic terrorist. You made the right call bringing the pizza. It's hard to find a good pizza in Houston, but it probably been more convenient to pick up the other items when you get here. We have better sex shops than pizza parlors :) Of course, the more you invest in our encounter, the greater the disappointment and the harder I'll weep. I think it's that that turns you on;)
perdix 31
I can cook. What skills do you bring to the table? If they are too hot for the Intimacy page, you may want to PM me. You know, to avoid shocking some of the more sensitive readers;)
dannnngthatsux 19
wait. You can't tea bag and rim job at same time, opposite sides! Unless he's a circus contortionist...
delaney16 0
hahaha that's fricken hilariuos
xgymchickx23 0
Did you say ogling?
dunnojonathan 0
Ouch...sucks to be that guy!