Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML
Today, I knew I was a small guy and finally about to get laid for the first time in years. Everything was going great, until she got my pants off. She stared at it, stared at me, stared back at it and said, "Yeah, that’s not gonna happen." Got dressed and left. Sadly this has happened many times. FML
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
Today, I was on a second date with a guy. Things got a little handsy and he pulled down his pants to reveal a micro-penis. He then smiled and asked me to be his girlfriend. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML
Today, I visited a friend out of state. We've been flirting for months and decided to fool around at night. He was very loving and attentive, but... he'd bragged about his dick being 6 inches and it ended up being not only thin, but very short. So thin and short that I couldn't really feel it. FML
Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML
Today, I met up with a girl I've been hanging out with a bunch recently. She said that we should be a couple, "unless you have a micropenis", then laughed. I actually do have a micropenis. I couldn't hold it together, and ran out of the bar, crying. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
moonshine_bek 2
I don't care what anyone says, when it comes down to situations like this; size does really matter folks!
Neotoxx 5
LOL I feel bad for that guy
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
moonshine_bek 2
I don't care what anyone says, when it comes down to situations like this; size does really matter folks!
login6437 0
was he asain??
melodey123 0
is that stereo type true lol i cuz i think asians are hawwttt
KayBizz 0
bout as small as their eyes. -__-
login6437 0
^^ haha win.
bihero 0
vietnamese's banh my (bread) is longer and bigger than a foot long sub from subway... and more flavors and healthier ofc
Byrdd 0
maybe it was small cuz u really didnt meet his expectations either?
EllOfficial 6
that's why Asians wear glasses.... they can't put contacts in ^.^
jellybean120 10
that's just mean! there are white/latinos/european dudes who have small dicks too. but yeah, I once saw an Asian **** were all the guys had teeny tiny dicks. Made me think they all have small ones.
sublimaze 6
c0ckblocked by a small c0ck. who woulda guessed...
blitzen123 0
Size DOES matter. :3
royals08 0
are you saying all black people have large ones?
mfmylifesrsly 30
what if you fell in love with someone who had a lil weiner? DD:
Misguided_Ghost 0
agreed with blitzen; Asians don't have fucken small penis's. trust me; but there's some that do kay.
camjones97 0
yes we do :)
OmgGuessWhatChic 0
@jellybean120 i love how u didnt say black people
michaelscott69 0
next time go out with a black dude
cboisen10 1
ur shallow
chikiitaaa 0
@Melodey123 : I have been with an Asian guy before (Chinese) and he was not small at all.
Melkezidech 0
On his **** or yours?
reyemrein 0
A solitary creature, the cougar stalks it's prey. After a long chase, she pounces! But unfortunatley, there is very little meat on this prey. Looks like thus cougar will go hungry.
moonshine_bek 2
It's nothing to do with being shallow, just sex is an important part of a relationship so if the guy doesn't satisfy you what's the point?! all parts of the relationship must work. I would never point and laugh or be mean about it though.
latesharocks865 0
you guys are all stereotypical not all Asians have small dicks that's like saying white girls have no ass and white guys are duece bags.
cookiemobzta 0
ok you must not know the p-niz p-rawmid, it goes: 1. - Black 2. - Messkin 3. - Indian 4. - White 5. - AZN
ToastyXD 0
uh that stereotype isn't true and I'm living proof. My eyes are actually huge and I'm vietnamese and I have an average sized... yeah XD but i'm still in puberty so it may grow bigger. But Asians are ninja in bed though XD
asianwolf 2
I back that up. (except I'm chinese)
cartermc17 0
haha use an elastic if it matters that much u small cocked pice
allen2020 0
wtf i posted a minor stereotype about asians eyes like 2 days ago and my account got banned -_- i had to make another account
Haileykins 0
okay dipshits, listen up. when someone says asians have small weiners, they don't mean EVERY SINGLE asian no exception ... and they don't mean people of other races can't have baby pricks too. the fact is, asians on average are at the shorter end of the dick-o-meter.
bigboy_245 0
well to a certian extent bigger means you can do more postions meaning wilder better sex
Bamfy 0
well OP your a ***** so yah FYL
subMortal7331 0
#52 you would know!
Immature_fml 0
You're a dumbfuck.
demoon_fml 7
#93- funny as hell
morfoodpleezz 0
I agree with blitzen123 no girl likes a small sausage lol
morfoodpleezz 0
mfmylifesrlry ur very pretty u to blitzen ;)
M4V3R1CKR13 0
9# XD XD XD LMAO
pipp360 0
do u watch a lot of **** cuz nobodywants to be inside u?
redbeater 5
that's a discusting trait.
Zills 0
Hate to break it to you but the biggest dick in the world is white and his name is Jonah Falcon. 13.5 inches not bad for a white guy.
up_urs_kid 0
hahahahahahahahaahah that was funny^^^
KittehSayzRAWR 0
Definitly not black
boomerfeb13 0
what's ogling
xilinnz 0
13.5 is impressive but mandingo has 14 inches =P
jellybean120 10
@ #118. I'm only saying that I saw an Asian **** and sadly all the guys had tiny dicks. I didn't say all Asians had small penises. I'm sure there might be a some black guys out there with small dicks, too.
flauchmiester 0
#78 at least he's honest!
NotMeh 0
lol @1 xD
fits138 0
oh. I loled at this. IMMD.
Neffy_Nefferz 0
rightious lol...
allan_069 0
u are hot! ^^
tweetbaby14 18
small penises are no laughing matter. lmao who am I kidding
dreamer66 0
you are absolutley right!
mike210 0
maybe your ugly and couldent get his dick hard
naomib123 0
totally agreed ...lmao i date one :)
Wolfwood187 0
#93 Best comment ever...
f27_fml 0
I think I want to try that
noshtshrlk 0
haha 105 fyl :P
danyfuckinheatle 0
*****
k9srule242 0
hey! OBJECTION!
Acers1 13
This is just a win
cp399 14
That's like telling a girl that her breasts are too small. Judging people on size is shallow and mean.
dannnngthatsux 19
Ogling is staring or watching and pining for; lusting after.
Neotoxx 5
LOL I feel bad for that guy
sourgirl101 29
Don't feel too bad. He at least got a chance to have sex. Some girls would have looked at it and just plainly said 'ah no ,that thing is not coming near me'. Sorry Op. They do make finger condoms for when you cut yourself, just in case there's a second date. Then you would deserve in.
mitch707 0
Why are girls such bitches. I feel sorry for the poor guy. She liked him but because he had a small dick she makes it an fml? Big dick doesnt = good sex. Using ur tongue and fingers with ur dick is far more effective and size becomes irrelevant.
jenni_1285 0
as opposed to guys who wouldn't even think of posting an fml about a chick who was sloppy loose or tiny boobs. also to all of the stereo typing going on: i have been with big and small guys of black white and Asian
roryriddle 5
that's what you get for putting too much anticipation into it.
cyberotter 0
ladies and gentle men, I give you plan b.
sc95060sc 0
hahaha nice ^^^
dcice13 0
why would he buy the wrong size. must b his first time lol
ohSNAPyall 27
That's what I was wondering. He should know whether it's going to fit or not.
dewlover33 3
she probably bought the condoms
KurouTenshi 0
I'll bet you not even the alcohol poisoning will make him forget his hurt pride x)
Dopplegangers 0
that's what u get for sleeping around
yourlifesfucked 0
dumbass. she is divorced. troll fail!
trizzieb 0
Dumbass. She could still be sleeping around with a bunch of people.
CallMeHush 1
If you end up at the gym with him I bet you can lift more weight too. Go to cougerlife.com and get your hook-up there.
Mehness 0
Ahaha future reference win XD
Cupcaken 0
Nice!
vansbabe66 0
I agree with#1 and fml that does suck
LTMcleod 0
ydi for being a *****...-able person :)
withered 30
Ah yes, I too call people ****** because they can get sex and I can't get any... Just kidding. I'm a "*****" too.
OneHottBaby 1
HAHAH. ;P
mfmylifesrsly 30
is there anything behind that pillow? :)
poooook 0
lmao..
Freeze_fml 17
You can almost smell the fish..
SmellDaPurp 0
i like #62s comment.. but i loved #100s ;D
MzMegs 20
@62 : Indeed, there is something behind that pillow. http://www.profil3.com/pic/73247/0/Naked_bunny_caught_on_camera.html#photo_top
OneHottBaby 1
yeeess ... ;D HAHA