Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at a friend’s house, used the toilet paper, and realized there was none left on the roll. I grabbed a replacement pack but it was all the way on the top shelf that was too high for me. I stood on tiptoes, balancing precariously on the toilet lid when it suddenly flipped down, knocking me off, and splashing pisswater everywhere. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
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Top comments
Ghost_Kaulitz 16
Your roommate is my spirit animal.
tzemmy 25
what if you really were bleeding though the ass and didn't see it through the ketchup?
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Comments (83)
quickit 24
1-0 for your roommate OP. You better.. ketchup ;D
Samuel5463 12
Let the prank wars begin
makaramiracles 18
Prank war.... begin! Also, that would scare the crap out of anybody. At least you're okay!
asl12 9
That's sexist
caleb_9756 14
That would've scared the bloody shit out of me.
annarcheer 19
ketchup has a pretty strong smell though.
ChristianH39 30
Probably not strong enough to smell it through the dump he just took.
annarcheer 19
that makes sense and at that moment your not thinking. thanks :)
nattlecakes 19
You gotta give it to your roommate though. Really good prank and in the end nobody got hurt.
cassi2525 5
I once had the same type of freak out...I forgot I ate a ton of beets.
NodakN8V 25
At least it wasn't Saran Wrap over the bowl...
CougeeSwagg 19
They did it wrong