Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at a friend’s house, used the toilet paper, and realized there was none left on the roll. I grabbed a replacement pack but it was all the way on the top shelf that was too high for me. I stood on tiptoes, balancing precariously on the toilet lid when it suddenly flipped down, knocking me off, and splashing pisswater everywhere. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
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Top comments
Ghost_Kaulitz 16
Your roommate is my spirit animal.
tzemmy 25
what if you really were bleeding though the ass and didn't see it through the ketchup?
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Comments (83)
patrickeli 15
You should pull an upper decker on him
redrain567 16
*cringes* But they're roommates, so they probably share a bathroom
DogeMan 14
Put a ketchup packet on his straw and put it in his drink for a surprise
foxwasalamb 24
what?
iLike2Teabag 27
Put the straw into a packet of ketchup and put it into his drink, so when he goes to drink, he'll suck up the ketchup first.
Ashwathi 21
I wonder who had to clean that up.
Paulvuck 15
It probably wasn't a lot of work, considering that the ketchup was sprayed in the toilet. I would say that a flush and a little bit of brushing should fix it.
anxiousandalone 9
At least it wasn't hot sauce.
quicksuper 14
Who looks at their crap...? Pfft, not me.
Dillyduzit 23
Two types of people in this world: People who look at their poop and damn liars.
BlindlyWandering 17
It's actually recommended that you do. Knowing the color/size etc, of your stool can warn you of possible medical problems.
mommy2cassidy 18
I always look at my poop. It's a good thing to do. My 6 year old used to come out of the bathroom all proud and tried to get her dad and I to look at hers haha
SillyBeanie 8
Reminds me of the South Park episode where Stans dad Randy took the biggest crap ever, and his wife Sharon was like "what's up with guys and their craps?"
Sandsh8rk 36
Does this remind anyone of Captain Underpants at all?
quickit 24
Ironically I thought of the same thing. That one book where the kids would put the ketchup packets under the buds of the toilet seat; which resulted in everything just looking like a bloody mess.
aimzskee 30
Ha ha. The good old practical joke.
teyyoshi 19
gross 。。。。
TomeDr 25
It's posts like this that make me grateful I didn't have sons.