Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at a friend’s house, used the toilet paper, and realized there was none left on the roll. I grabbed a replacement pack but it was all the way on the top shelf that was too high for me. I stood on tiptoes, balancing precariously on the toilet lid when it suddenly flipped down, knocking me off, and splashing pisswater everywhere. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
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Top comments
Ghost_Kaulitz 16
Your roommate is my spirit animal.
tzemmy 25
what if you really were bleeding though the ass and didn't see it through the ketchup?
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Comments (83)
joyboy390 12
Im sure you left out the part where you played a prank on your roommate. And hey be glad it was just that lol my roommates and i trade blows with things like snakes in your cloths drawers snapping turtle in the shower and fireworks for alarm clocks lol. Be glade you dont live in our house. Now you just need to think of a creative way to get them back. Might i suggest a bucket of worms and some water and dirt above a door so as they open the door it dumps all over them or would that be too much?
brookiesawr 11
Firstly, why would you admire your crap? Secondly, ketchup and blood does not look the same in water. Take it from a girl.
PennyLane27 32
Sometimes, it's an accomplishment!
mommy2cassidy 18
Maybe he just saw red in the bowl and freaked out? Also, I admire mine all the time.
joyboy390 12
If you want a nicer payback i would suggest taking his drink when he isnt looking and fill the straw with ketchup or anything else really ranch works good too and put in back in his drink. The look on his face will be priceless so make sure to record it so you can watch it over and over for your enjoyment and to remind him what happens when he pranks you lol. If you need more ideas for pranks feel free to ask me lol thats my favorite pastime lol.
zombiekiller52 24
That's ******* great!!
PrincessZelda_HR 22
"Like a little girl?" It's not long before a girl is no longer fazed by seeing a toilet full of blood.
Bazinga90 12
"Rip turd", bloody lol
an3ph 20
Epic! I like your roommate!
lbanks_fml 10
Your roommate......FTW!!
empeterson23 11
This is honestly the best thing I've seen all day!! Hahah
BlindlyWandering 17
That's pretty funny actually.