Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home early from work and caught my boyfriend jerking off. When I tried to flirt and say I could help him, he said he wasn't in the mood anymore. He hasn't touched me in months. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was horny. Since it has been a while, I offered to help. He sighed and complained that he didn't feel attractive and didn't want sex. I laughed and asked if he grew a vagina overnight. He got mad and stomped off. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he’s no longer interested in sex with me, as he just can't be bothered. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML
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Top comments
TheGolfGTI 24
*Looks at location* Yup.
EnderNutt 16
Have you tried polishing his pistol once in a while?
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Comments (94)
DanielleinDC 34
So he's literally an ammosexual?
thebestwooods 7
Me and her boyfriend would get along quite nicely
taymichele16 15
Are you a gun?
FalloutScrolls 25
Oil his rifle and I bet that .22 will become a .50
Zatert 20
So from a quarter incher to a half incher?
FalloutScrolls 25
I think the caliber of my comment speaks for itself.
Zatert 20
Sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you.
FalloutScrolls 25
Just having a barrel of laughs. Let's take stock and keep the rest of this back and forth banter muzzled, shall we?
Zatert 20
Agreed. Besides, I think I've reached my maximum effective range of gun puns.
FalloutScrolls 25
I've got a few more gun puns in my sights. There's some about receivers, chambers, magazines... you know, the whole nine yards.
Ray_of_midnight 23
I think we should just let this whole thing slide.
madscientist_17 15
Sounds like my husband.
Zebediabolical 45
Maybe you should try using gun oil as perfume.
ThrottleJockey 36
If my wife did that we'd never leave the bedroom, except for bacon.
Nezah 6
Gun oil is the best smell ever along with gunpowder
Darkness_Hate 29
You know how to dress for a role-play now!
Tannasgh 22
When I lose interest in sex, I'll go gun shopping...to find a piece to put me out of my misery
TMWhisp 22
His Anaconda don't want none unless you got guns, hun.
Viper_Revenge 10
Texas for ya
janfleury 19
time for a new boyfriend.