Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home early from work and caught my boyfriend jerking off. When I tried to flirt and say I could help him, he said he wasn't in the mood anymore. He hasn't touched me in months. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was horny. Since it has been a while, I offered to help. He sighed and complained that he didn't feel attractive and didn't want sex. I laughed and asked if he grew a vagina overnight. He got mad and stomped off. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he’s no longer interested in sex with me, as he just can't be bothered. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML
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Top comments
TheGolfGTI 24
*Looks at location* Yup.
EnderNutt 16
Have you tried polishing his pistol once in a while?
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Comments (94)
noellebelle626 19
Pretty sure girls are the same way makeup lol
False_Stupidity 42
Maybe his other pistol fires blanks and he is too embarrassed to admit it. Or this is his way of getting fired up. Maybe you should go all Tackleberry(from police academy) and use gun oil instead of perfume. Just use his interest in guns to your advantage and make it clear that your interested in checking out his piece.
ThrottleJockey 36
For both their sakes (if he's cheating) I hope he's shooting blanks.
buckdharma 38
Try talking dirty to him by telling him you want some glock, and then show him the target you drew on your ass. Every time he hits it, say, "ding." This should get you plenty of repeter action. Especially if your ass looks like the broadside of a barn.
RageWolf16 31
Hate to break it to you but you're dating a serial killer
laden_swallow09 35
Does a cigarette lighter make me an arsonist? A pocketknife make me a slasher? A flashdrive make me a hacker? Inanimate objects do not make someone a criminal.
Ayasha_fml 12
No #64, it's the fact the bf gets a freaking erection over that crap. It's definitely not normal. Actual sexual arousal from objects should probably lead to getting a mental evaluation. Especially loving it more than ass/ pussy and anything human or humanoid.
jrodjets 3
Honestly I would too
hardattack62 5
I would think your boyfriend is gay and was checking out the guys in three gun store.
cdb89928 7
Try standing naked while holding some guns for him. Might get him going
399 41
That sucks OP :(.
LH_FIRE_22 12
'Murica!!!!