Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML
Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML
Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML
Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
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Top comments
AngelRaven89 0
why would she tell all her friends that you carrying her made you pass out? That seems like something she would want to keep private. How exactly does one pass out from carrying someone? I don't get it! Someone clarify!
Fontario4 2
Ummm you all assume she's fat, she's either fat, OR this guy is super weak, and that's why she is telling all her friends and thet's why he's embarrassed, that seems to make more sense.
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Comments (56)
sydefx 0
Tell your fat ass gf to loose some weight.
HUFILMER 0
Been there done that bro. I didnt pass out, but it was hard to carry her up 3 flights of stairs so I could put her to bed, not even have sex. lol. Sorry bro.
kenziemakayla 5
umm what she fat?
SleepOnStones 5
Haha! Why would she tell all her friends? It makes her sound fat. Lol
beachbabe098 3
It's not your fault your girlfriend is fat
profligatesoul 18
Women! Sheesh!
rougeunicorn03 17
Say that you're not weak, she's just fat.
nyf137 20
Extremely judgmental people commenting here, why are we making so many assumptions and being SO rude to judge someone you *think* is fat but really have no idea about how this person looks. We don't know the entire situation or all the factors that could have contributed.. and even if OP's girlfriend is overweight, that is no reason to be so rude about it, not everyone *has* to be skinny or weigh only 100 pounds to be accepted or be in a loving, happy relationship.
lucasjames22 8
what the hell? I would tell everyone too and probably dump you cause that's kind of a pussy move.