Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML
Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML
Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML
Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
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Top comments
AngelRaven89 0
why would she tell all her friends that you carrying her made you pass out? That seems like something she would want to keep private. How exactly does one pass out from carrying someone? I don't get it! Someone clarify!
Fontario4 2
Ummm you all assume she's fat, she's either fat, OR this guy is super weak, and that's why she is telling all her friends and thet's why he's embarrassed, that seems to make more sense.
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Comments (56)
discosoup 0
It was her own fault. EDIT: I've never been first before.
ohmygoodnex 0
Congratulations, you just beat two trees.
discosoup 0
Thanks.
tequilabird 0
no one cares
wingedspiritus 0
It seems you do, tequilabird. o:
Darrus 0
I care!
Eaglestrike117 29
That sucks. She must've been overweight, or else you shouldn't have tried carrying her.
Asstazztic 8
because she was heavy as **** lol
pcentral 17
#5 is a babe ;)
AngelRaven89 0
why would she tell all her friends that you carrying her made you pass out? That seems like something she would want to keep private. How exactly does one pass out from carrying someone? I don't get it! Someone clarify!
discosoup 0
His girl was so fat that the strain on his heart from carrying her made him faint.
Tarak_fml 7
That sux bro. Gym pass??
Fontario4 2
Ummm you all assume she's fat, she's either fat, OR this guy is super weak, and that's why she is telling all her friends and thet's why he's embarrassed, that seems to make more sense.
toink 0
you both go to gym. you go to stop being a weakling and she to stop being a fat cow.
cerebellum_fml 0
dont be mad he prob was overexerting himself with a boner
perdix 31
Well done, cerebellum, you got the right answer! While hauling his girl off to bed, all the blood rushed from his head (the big one) to engorge the little* one in preparation for battle. *If you are a circus pinhead with a porno dick, reverse "big" and "little".
omghehehe 0
(confused) pass out from carrying her??? Ohhhh ok.... :) that makes more sense, especially if his dick was HUGE for his skinny body!!!! :D
toink 0
If that's the case, he could use a tourniquet to limit the amount of blood that goes to his penis.
omghehehe 0
Ouchhhh! hahahaha
repyourcliche 0
were you dropped on your head as a baby? i mean, seriously... poundage?
rosesdarkblue 0
Are you dating a fatty?
wingedspiritus 0
Do you find it strange to date a fat girl?