Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML
Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML
Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML
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Top comments
FacePalm69 0
69 hahahahah
ohhboyy 0
i think people should start a new trend. instead of saying "first" like an asshole, i think they should brag about being the 69th comment =P
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Comments (74)
TouchDown_fml 0
ouch, Did she say it in a bitchy tone or not? She may have just been kidding... 1st
heyyyjune 11
I don't think it was meant to sound bitchy. Maybe she falls asleep when stories are told to her. Just a thought
ohhboyy 0
i think people should start a new trend. instead of saying "first" like an asshole, i think they should brag about being the 69th comment =P
heatrider986 1
lol
FacePalm69 0
69 hahahahah
bellababe69 0
I agree!! :)
kissothis 6
seems like she's a bitch and you need to just get rid of her... you could do better than that.
hiyaa 0
good sense of humor, keep her!!!
stonerchu 0
Put her to sleep then have your way with her
Frlf 0
Maybe she was grumpy because of no sleep :/
gesseniasxangel 0
lol #6 :D
TouchDown_fml 0
#2 I know ur jealous I beat you =-P...9th HAHA at #6
zargon 1
I don't see the problem here, really, unless she said it in a mean way. I've been told the same thing before, but what she meant was that listening to me talk made her feel safe and comfortable and relaxed her so she could rest more easily, and by telling her about my day I could just talk without her having to worry about responding. This is actually a really good thing; relish in it.
hottie102 0
what a bitch. she doesn't deserve you