Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed after a long stretch of abstinence, finally heating things up. I went to the wardrobe to grab the vibrator (I love using it on her) and slowly revealed it: mold-covered, an absolute biohazard. The night ended with me fixing a leak behind the wardrobe. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML
Today, my roommate's parents came over to our one room apartment. They found condom wrappers. My roommate tried to say they were mine. I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
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Top comments
randiZ25 0
use her tooth brush to scrub it off
CourtneyDanielle_fml 9
Put it under her pillow.
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Comments (167)
Bano360 25
I would say first, but I'm probably not, and even if I was, people would get mad at me.
mitchem 3
then why say you were gonna say first?
MfailK 0
You do sound like a douche
Bano360 25
Because there were no comments before I commented and I've never been first to comment on this site.
Snowstar 0
neither have i, until i got it on one a few mins ago~. :)
mitchem 3
I was the first to comment on one a min ago and it was also my first first but I didn't shout first
lolitaababy 0
lmfaooooo
mintcar 10
Wow, is it that BIG of a deal?
mazesm 11
You seem like a person that doesn't ever laugh. Your like Squidward on that children's tv show Spongebob. For god sake, chill!
EatnBeef 7
childrens tv show? I'm 16 ad watch spongebob all the ******* time haha. problem?
ifyouseekamy666 0
spongebob FTW!!! hahah :3
UpsidedownKayak 9
Bano360, NO ONE ******* CARES whether you are the first commenter or not. That is the most worthless goal ever thought up. How about having goals that use your intelligence, like trying to be the funniest, most insightful, most caring, or most obnoxious, and don't rely on the timing of a post.
nikki898 0
43- chill. you don't need to yell at him relax if u don't like his comment don't read it.
DocBastard 40
This is the longest, most worthless thread about being first that I've ever seen. It's as useless as a woman in the Blue Oyster Bar. I lost 1,472 brain cells just from reading about the plight to be, and subsequent failure to become, first. I would rather stick hot pokers in my genitals than be exposed to this kind of banal drivel. Please kill me.
LetsRollOut 2
74 - Wouldn't they have to read it in order to know whether they like it?
CollegeGirl2010 0
crazy people x)
Bano360 25
My goal in pissing people off was successful.
alakomonus 0
pwnt
nikki898 0
83- true haha but I he doesn't have to comment or read what other people said to it.
Molord1 0
Bano360 ftw... lulz he getted you angry n thin said he wanted tooo. he wins 4dalulz btw
mitchem 3
not really mad as wondering why you would basically do what you didn't want to do...now I'm wondering why your comment got removed
CourtneyDanielle_fml 9
Put it under her pillow.
Lalala1996 0
well.... APPARENTLY it won't come off the floor.
elainelovesyou 7
Cut it off and THEN stick it under her pillow.
nbk1405 0
#44 you disprove all blond theories.. smart + hot= ^win
randiZ25 0
use her tooth brush to scrub it off
eman1127 0
Agreed
DearlyBeloved20 3
It was pretty disgusting of the roommate to do this in the first place so I wouldn't say it's out of line.
atomheartm_fml 0
Agreed. Do gross stuff, gross stuff will eventually occur.
nikki898 0
95- is the writing on that shirt backwards??
Scoty12C 6
150- mirror pic
nikki898 0
153- that makes more sense o.O
ThisRandomChild 0
Bwahaha thats too perfect! Her mouth was probably there anyways :-P
jupiter80 0
put it on ur roommates bed and write a note saying "I believe this is urs"
wiggs5 0
your doggies so cute :)
josh5634 0
awww cute doggy
lalagirl912 0
that Is the ugliest dog I've ever seen
atomheartm_fml 0
That's because it's a catfish.
jupiter80 0
thanks, but thats ok, i don't know u so the hate comments don't really matter
nikki898 0
don't listen to them 132. that is such a cute doggy. what kind is it?
nikki898 0
don't listen to them 132. that is such a cute doggy. what kind is it?
xleanne_aLly 23
#120 your comment reminded me of mean girls
MfailK 0
Ha **** juice
kweenbitch 0
thanx! the first post to make me laugh. **** juice...LOL
creedaddict 9
ha! too funny
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
lmao!
TheGenius 1
First of all, ew..... and secondly, use her toothbrush to get it off then put the remains of it under her pillow. :)
VorpikeII 17
lol 3+5 combo
awesomer2000 0
exactly! listen to the genius (literally)
ltsmark 0
NiggerNuggets.
enoughgrace 4
She used the condom?
Yeah_Thats_Me 0
Obviously.
nynjapyrate 0
14... meet obvious. obvious meet 14
Yeah_Thats_Me 0
88, I was joking. Obviously the boyfriend would use it, not her.
Snowlight_fml 7
I believe he said '14', not '73' ^-^
WiseGuy79 14
How do you not notice a condom on the floor for three weeks if it's right beside your bed? Try cleaning once in awhile you ****** slob haha
yazmi_09 3
maybe op was out of town? I doubt she saw it, said "oh hey some nasty condom looking thing on the floor, I'll leave it there to froth bacteria and harden a little" and walked away
Igor_g5 0
That was my thought. How do you not notice a condom on your floor?
lemmins 1
So you didn't see a used condom on your floor for 3 weeks that's gross