Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control, because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
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Top comments
starflake 3
Lol, YDI. Take some responsibility for yourself you idiot.
Sawadee 0
No control is the best control.............. You can secretly mixed the plan b into her food or drink
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Comments (250)
balor_fml 0
Maybe she'll have to meditate about having an abortion soon too!
fml__love 0
HAHA
BussellRishop 0
To be fair, meditation is delicious
SunlightVeins 0
This is fake. It was on an episode of Titus years back. I happen to own all the seasons.
CASoulNYCmind 0
Reeeeeally? Way to own his ass then. Awesome job.
kingoftheworld 0
Aww, it's still funny though. )
your_face 15
Just because this happened on Titus doesn't mean it can't happen in real life.
justdance45 0
I saw this in a movie, 'tis a lie i am sure
EmyRosa 0
Don't be a fool, protect your tool
spenceroone3 0
191# lol., WIN
ducttapewallet 7
Maybe she mellowed out her ovaries? Idk.
sophielotus 2
Plan B Contraceptive!
realportlandian 2
Baby baby baby Daddy!!
mattmag 0
You're screwed! Stupid 120 second thing stopped me from being first :(
chimmy 0
As everyone has that 120 sec pause, you still wouldn't have been first. And OP, FYL, that really sucks. Though you should have worn a condom anyways since who knows what kind of diseases she could have, you havent been dating very long...
slash1396 0
you have no life #2 please take matters into your own hands, put a gun to your head, and pull the trigger. you are the reason why other countries hate America. because you have no life
_THE_MASTER_ 0
I agree. you FAIL. now, because of your slowness and stupidity, you will always be #2. the only reasonable thing to do now is to take slash1396's advice and end it all. and please, for the love of all that is holyif you do intend to continue living, castrate yourself. no need for you to spawn stunted little apes like yourself.
bambition7 0
wow yeah the guy was stupid for not using a condom but how ridiculous can you be. telling someone to end there life can get serious sometimes. people like you really make me feel sorry for the world
3P0N1N3 0
Actually, I'd say she is
Sawadee 0
No control is the best control.............. You can secretly mixed the plan b into her food or drink
Implodend 0
That's good thinking. It'd be as awesome as what she did to you.
writergirl69 0
It would also be illegal
Sawadee 0
Why do everyone want to be 1st so badly ???
amsilent 0
cause they're sad *****
ArmyOfOne 0
no shit
greenmonxster 0
b.c everbody gets pissed and i think its funny. sometimes ill be like the 100th comment and post"first!!" just to piss ppl of ahaha
lovelykendra5 0
Aw how cute (: I love your girlfriend. Anyways, have fun being a baby daddy with a girl you've dated for a month. well that's if she gets pregnant.
sam_knows 0
Wow, can she really be that dumb?
The_Unspool 0
The only situation where natural selection fails.
Lisasimpsonfan 0
So what are you going to name the baby? You want a boy or a girl?
starflake 3
Lol, YDI. Take some responsibility for yourself you idiot.
Ohhmanda 0
I couldn't agree more. Take responsibility or suffer the consequences. lol
fading09 4
Agreed! You should have asked her BEFORE having sex with her.
Unlucky1232 20
someone explain your logic here please. She said she handled the birth control implying she was on a form of it. OP just asked what kind after. Its not like he had sex with her and said "Are you on birth control?"
yojoeletsmakeout 0
you should have asked BEFORE the sex.
turnedoffTVgrey 0
He did ask before the sex and she said not to worry about it. He should have asked some follow-up questions though.
genius_man16 1
yeah, generally when women say they've "taken care of it" it means they're on BC, not meditation, lol
_THE_MASTER_ 0
no, 47, he didnt ask. he was told not to worry about it and didn't bother to ask what kind of BC she used. so, OP, YDI (if this is in fact true, and not copied from 'Titus") and from now on, just slip her the pill for as long as you can...and don't get caught
sickinlove13 0
I've never told a guy I have it "taken care of". I tell them I'm on birth control, but that really doesn't mean anything either seeing as how it's 99% effect and there's that very slim chance of getting pregnant. Plus, what kind of guy would be satisfied with that answer? If someone told me it was "taken care of", I would ask what that means. lol
belisama_fml 0
Agreed #10 and idk why that wasnt the first/main question to be asked
testing_fml 0
Or instead of drugging unsuspecting women you want to sleep with, you could use a goddamn condom or TALK TO HER ABOUT IT. Jesus.
Jessj958 19
Are you not worried about STDs? Birth control that women take or use only protects against pregnancy. If you haven't been dating that long I'm sure there are a lot of things you don't know about her.
ithedarkknight 0
well at least you had a good time... now just wait a few weeks and meditate a kamehameha punch in the you now what lol jk idk maybe she wont get pregnant?
STVader 0
LOL "Goku, I need your help, my gf is pregnant...with, with, with, Frieza's child!" "Really? KA-MAY-HA-MAY-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "took care of it"