Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control, because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
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Top comments
starflake 3
Lol, YDI. Take some responsibility for yourself you idiot.
Sawadee 0
No control is the best control.............. You can secretly mixed the plan b into her food or drink
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Comments (250)
Leptailurus 0
LOL. Sounds like you picked a real winner there.
hypothetically 0
In a month, you didn't realise she was a little... weird? But ready to have sex with! Right.............
fuckmyl1f333 0
Punch her in the ******
BRIDESHEAD 0
dude, that's ****** up..... that's not where you punch.
guitar0501 0
No no no... punch her in the stomach. That ought to take care of that baby...
untoldfame 3
she is made of.....WIN!
smiller0789 3
You should always wear a rubber anyway unless you've both been tested for stds recently.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
That was so funny. Thx for that :-)
dnb23 0
I really hate to call fake, but this is stolen directly from one of those canceled Fox comedies... I think it was Titus.
SunlightVeins 0
You are correct. This is from Titus. I have all the seasons and am an avid fan. Fake.
Albedo667 5
dam i miss Titus, it was a dam good show
BvR 0
A daddy and aids patient. Wear a condom....
xNephilim 19
You do realize that AIDS doesn't just magically appear, right? Your partner has to be infected and it didn't imply anything remotely similar in the FML.
Whovian42_fml 14
I think #22 was referring to the fact that although OP was obviously concerned about ensuring no pregnancy (not enough to ask any follow up questions but anyway..) however BC does nothing to protect against STDs. So he very realistically could have AIDs right now, or a host of other diseases.
JarJarBinks_fml 0
It's funny how all the really stupid shit here on fml pertains to women. Like the mother who went to see a psychic about her son's sexuality. ****, I lol'd though, this is hilarious. Fyl dude, make sure next time
AmberHall 2
Actually in reply both men and women are implicated equally in the FMLs for the most part. So take your sexism and shove it
snowbordnelephnt 0
take your feminism and ruin someone else's country with it
Luckster 0
YDI for not asking what kind before the sex....