Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
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Top comments
allred1997 19
Tell him he's had to use his hand before, he can use it again
xxkrystalxx 14
She just carried his child for 9 months, and gave birth to it. HE should be taking care of her and make her happy.
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Comments (90)
nygreasemunky 5
Wow you picked a real winner. Glad you are carrying on his bloodline.
Kiri_Neko 18
you definitely picked a winner
bnbhimp 10
He has a serious case of fuckboi. Run there is no cure.
tomvertigo 17
Tell him you are cool with anal as long as you get to do it back to him... and have the strap-on in hand. That'll shut him up quick.
locustbb 9
At least he was at the hospital for you instead of off getting laid.
GAeroNKissR 26
I sure hope that you meant "with" & not for...not just HER baby. & I hardly think his mere presence versus not out cheating during birth should be viewed as the plus in this story - that should just be a given. Just admit his remarks were immature & move on.
00749200 14
Your stupid
takeittoem 8
Sounds like a healthy relationship.
rogerover 19
He may have been talking to others about their experience with a newborn in the house. While I appreciate op has been through a lot. There's an emotional element to this. A man can feel like the third wheel in the family for a while. Make sure the two of you stay connected. It's easy to push him away accidentally when you become obsessed with your newborn bundle of joy.
DoomedGemini 38
Yeah, because trying to get his dick taken care of is emotional. There isn't an excuse. He isn't thinking about their baby or even their relationship, he just wants to get off.
Jenadpantano 7
He's a guy. It's to be expected. However, he could have waited until he got home to discuss this, and in a polite way. However, there is nothing wrong with anal sex (assuming you haven't tried it, by the sound of it), and with how stressed the both of you will be in weeks to come, a little bit of time together for just the two of you may be nice. Maybe some oral and play time would be surprisingly relaxing. Don't shut him down entirely for still wanting you.
Spark_Slicker 19
Being a guy is not an excuse for being an inconsiderate asshole. And I'm not sure every guy out there would appreciate you generalizing them as one either. Sex is the last concern for a brand new mother. She's tired, she's sore, and she has an infant who is crying every hour for some need. OP's boyfriend needs to stop thinking of his own selfish sexual desires and just be there for his girlfriend and their new baby.
deathshead 19
I was really confused by this when I read it, mainly because I saw brother, not boyfriend...
ScenePanda45 13
Nope...time to say bye bye...your boyfriend is a dick. sorry op.