Today, my kid told my wife he's been using the hand sanitizer under our bathroom sink. It's not hand sanitizer, it's a giant bottle of lube.
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML
Today, a man walked through my line with a XL bottle of lotion and many boxes of tissues. As I was ringing him up, the customer broke the silence by saying, "Yeah my son won't stop using the cooking oil for his 'personal time'", finger-air-quotes and all. FML
Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML
Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML
Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
timinator5000 28
Why is that easily accessible?
Mungolikecandy 19
On the bright side, he s not as clumsy as you thought and now you know why he keeps dropping things...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (13)
timinator5000 28
Why is that easily accessible?
Samantha Marie Smith 5
Exactly like why the hell is it in the bathroom...
alycion 39
If it’s in the master bedroom, most kids don’t go in their parent’s bedroom to use a bathroom when there is one easier to access somewhere in the house. Some kids snoop. You could have it up the cat’s ass and they’ll still find it. Don’t assume because it’s in a bathroom, it’s a bathroom intended for use of the entire household.
timinator5000 28
Well I personally would put child locks anywhere I put things that I don't think the kids should be. For exactly that reason. They snoop. So anything not ment for them should be Up out of reach or locked out of reach. A lot of people have cleaning chemicals under the sink.
raven_of_azarath 35
As opposed to where? A dresser or nightstand drawer that is equally as accessible?
timinator5000 28
Or top of a shelf in a closet
LadyRen 20
Keep it in the bedroom where it easily reachable. Unless you’re doing dirty things in the bathroom.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Based on the way they specified "Our bathroom sink" it sounds like this could be a bathroom connected to the master bedroom and the kid has his own bathroom elsewhere. If that's the case than it makes sense to keep the refill lube there. Plus, of course, it is possible that they like some shower sex that requires the lube as well.
jbuckets_404 39
Why is it that your son has no reading comprehension skills???
DaBlacky 31
maybe the son is 4 or 5y old?
Mungolikecandy 19
On the bright side, he s not as clumsy as you thought and now you know why he keeps dropping things...
CrazyCatPlushie 7
Reminds me of one of my former friends. He used to keep a gallon sized container of lube under his bathroom sink. he used to entertain his flavor of the month for hours on end in the shared bathroom to the dismay of his roommates. hes married with young step children now, but this could totally be his fml
ojosRojos 28
Thank you for clarifying what the lube is for in your username