Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
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Top comments
berniro 14
It's ok to feel like you're not ready for sex, or that you haven't found someone you feel comfortable enough around to have sex with. It's a big step in someone's life and it takes a lot of trust. It'll happen when the time is right, until then don't be ashamed or let anyone make you feel ashamed of it.
blairiofosterio1 10
Why look at her racks, when you can have snacks?
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Comments (47)
GhostFox 34
You really shouldn't feel obligated to be attracted to people, let alone feel like you *have to* have sex/kiss, or anything sexual. It should come down to whether you WANT to have those things, not you feeling like you SHOULD want them. You could be in the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum, low libido, or just not interested in those things now. If you never find someone you are attracted to in a sexual or romantic way? Great, more time to spend doing other things. You find someone when your 40 years old? Great, you'll probably be more aware of who you are as a person and what you want. You find someone next week? Great, you found someone who gives you those feelings. What matters is whether you want those things, or if you feel obligated to want them or partake in them. Take some time to sit down and think about if you want it because YOU want it, or if you feel like you have to do these things because your family wants you to- which, your aunt being in your dream in such a role may be an indication you feel subconsciously pressured by them.
_Desiderata_ 9
Can someone explain to me why this got down voted?
LyricaSilvan 30
That dream actually sounds kind of adorable.
captainsmegma 12
Well now that you had a nice mall date, maybe in your next dream you'll get some action.
Zebediabolical 45
She should have hired you a dream-male-prostitute instead. Strippers are notorious for not giving it up. :D
Wishe 17
I really hope someday this stigma about virginity disappears. There's absolutely no shame in being a virgin (for males or females) and the idea that you're supposed to have kissed someone or had sex or "reached 3rd base" by a certain age is mystifying.
usedletterboard 7
But there are some people who would legit enjoy it and they are allowed to feel bad
Dyrtbagge_Skumme 1
sure, but this post (not the FML) is about the stigma of "virginity", not a debate about whether or not people are allowed to want sex and feel upset about not having had it. "Allowed" isn't quite the word I was looking for, and I apologize if this response sounds angry; my intention is that it should sound slightly bewildered and mostly friendly.
heathenhaha 2
Don't worry about what everyone thinks.I was in your shoes and it's worth waiting for what you really love.But it goes like this,you might have to kiss some frogs befor you find your prince.
boredgirl_02 14
Yeah I can't make my self do what i secretly want in my dreams... They tend to follow my real life actions
usedletterboard 7
Today, the girl who constructed her aunt to construct me in her mind left me without anything good to do. FML
zaidthunder1 27
Not a big deal. Period.
wmayrhofer 18
your Aunt is the real hero