Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML
Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML
Today, I woke up and realized that the "nice dream" I'd had was just about talking to people. FML
Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML
Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
I'd rather have a piece of cake instead of a man any day. Cakes don't send unsolicited dick pics, or cheat on you.
Chris Ratliff Jr. 8
Why yes I'll take a slice.
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Comments (19)
Leeono 26
You know what they say... You don’t have to fake it when you cake it.
BurnInDemonFire 39
I'd rather have a piece of cake instead of a man any day. Cakes don't send unsolicited dick pics, or cheat on you.
RichardPencil 32
What? Cakes often send pics of disgusting places they’ve spread their “frosting.” Also, cakes are total ***** — they let anybody eat them. No, cakes are no good for monogamy — you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Hey, if you share your cake, that's on you. Me, I like to keep my diabetes to myself. And not every cake has frosting. Some are just really moist.
Chris Ratliff Jr. 8
Why yes I'll take a slice.
PhoenixChick 26
If you tell us you had cake after that, it will be the most satisfying erotic story I've ever read.
pugs 12
I see nothing wrong with this post.
Glowworm56 27
"Oh yeah, baby! Eat me!"
RichardPencil 32
That is so wrong! You need some serious help. Clearly, chocolate cake speaks in a breathy, feminine whisper with a slight French accent. You need your hearing checked or something.
acmariner99 25
So did you lick it? The cake?
distortedcognition 17
Are you on a diet? If so it might be time for a cheat day
Jason Cropper_835786005 6
OP...I believe you and I may just be soul mates. 😂