Today, my eyesight is getting terrible. I saw a white cat in front of my house, so I went up to it. To my delight it didn’t move, so I bent down to stroke it. Wrong call, it was a plastic bag. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML
Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML
Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat!" I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML
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Top comments
Tarlachia 33
Own it like you're awesome and you know it. Take a sharpie and draw a cat's face on it, sit down on the ground and pet the kitty. Be sure to meow in reply to yourself for bonus points!
takeittoem 8
At least it wasn't a porcupine or a skunk....
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Comments (33)
Tarlachia 33
Own it like you're awesome and you know it. Take a sharpie and draw a cat's face on it, sit down on the ground and pet the kitty. Be sure to meow in reply to yourself for bonus points!
Momperella 5
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I was already laughing, but that made me laugh even harder, #1! That would totally happen to me too. I forgot to wear my glasses to work today. I didn't see any plastic bag kitties tho.
nesteremily 31
I'd say it's time for glasses..or new ones if you already have them.
Colon_Man 17
Better than walking up to a badger. An albino badger...
bandaidstations 28
I did this same thing as a toddler. Ran right up to the sleeping cat on the steps...except it was an opossum. Just laid there and let me pet it's head until my gramps came outside yelling at me and scared it.
takeittoem 8
At least it wasn't a porcupine or a skunk....
kaitlyn520 13
Don't sweat it OP! Maybe just schedule an appointment for some glasses? You'll be as good as new(:
tigerthepredator 16
Eye doctor.
stryder9090 28
Do you happen to be 87 years old?
Fuxxxer 11
YDI for not having glasses. you stupid little bitch
Khaleesi_D 9
I once freaked out because there was a bear in someones yard, they aren't common around here but sometimes you see one on someone's game camera or in something, so I'm freaking out cause there's a freaking bear, and it's a small bear, and we passed the house mom we have to go back. About that time my mom realized I need glasses because it was a stump, there never was a bear.
Lalala579121 28
Your mom just couldn't bear it.
melana09 19
I think it's time to see the eye doctor