Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
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Top comments
berniro 14
It's ok to feel like you're not ready for sex, or that you haven't found someone you feel comfortable enough around to have sex with. It's a big step in someone's life and it takes a lot of trust. It'll happen when the time is right, until then don't be ashamed or let anyone make you feel ashamed of it.
blairiofosterio1 10
Why look at her racks, when you can have snacks?
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Comments (47)
Snufkinn 16
If you're happy as you are then don't worry about what other people think or expect you to have done or be doing. It's your life so keep on doing what you're doing if you're happy.
ThrottleJockey 36
Doesn't matter, had snacks.
cheshireau 26
Sounds like the start of True Romance with Christian Slate and Patricia Arquette
NotmadYT 17
Call me
Unenunciable 14
My interpretation of this dream would be that your actual problem is that you are lonely, in the sense that you need a better social life in general. Live life to the fullest and make your own happiness! Anything that life gives you is just extra.
wow2mylife 25
I had those dreams too but I'm only 18 and I'm waiting for marriage I'm not helping am I I tried but fail
kumagoro4ever 19
It's perfectly ok to not have, or even want to have, sex. I'm 32 and have never even held a guy's hand. I'm just not interested in it. For years, I thought something was wrong with me, that I was somehow broken because sex is everywhere and most people say that you can't be happy without it. I'm not, though, and I'm actually happy with my life right now. I'd probably be miserable if I made myself have sex when I was younger just to be "normal". All I can tell you is that when/if it happens, congratulations, you did it, you're a normal person. If you end up never doing it in your entire life? Guess what? You're still a normal person!
LevelupKid 8
Take me!!! I love snacks at the mall! soft pretzels for the win!
susanity 3
Honestly, your dream sounds pretty healthy: you were true to yourself and didn't bow to pressure. My guess is that you have high standards - that's a GOOD thing. Jumping into a relationship with the next guy who's single and breathing would be bad for both of you. (Related note: Have you considered dating sites? They're a great way to ease into dating life and meet new people.)
UndeadCity9 19
If you're not ready, that's totally ok! You should feel ready before you do or else it's a horrible experience (trust me). But if you are ready you should still wait for the right guy, or you could find an online dating sight, there's guaranteed to be people looking for sex