Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
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Top comments
berniro 14
It's ok to feel like you're not ready for sex, or that you haven't found someone you feel comfortable enough around to have sex with. It's a big step in someone's life and it takes a lot of trust. It'll happen when the time is right, until then don't be ashamed or let anyone make you feel ashamed of it.
blairiofosterio1 10
Why look at her racks, when you can have snacks?
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Comments (47)
Phats 10
It's natural, OP. You're thinking about stuff and it bubbles up in dreams. I only got my first kiss when I was 21. And right now I'm in an amazing, loving, vibrant and sexually-charged relationship. Good things come to those who wait...
Atmey 5
Welcome to the club, I'll be 30 in few months and didn't have sex yet.
Grisha_fml 18
I'm 32 and I'm still a virgin. It's nothing to be ashamed of, in fact I see it as more of a self-control type of thing, so it's more of a virtue than a vice.
gunnerblaster 21
Sounds like you'd prefer something meaningful versus random sex. I see nothing wrong with that and hope that you find someone who truly deserves you and makes you happy.
shinikageWolf 15
Who cares if you aren't having sex, you can still rub it in that you have a hot boyfriend (and people assume you're banging him)
SpectralTrix 7
@berniro doesn't that defeat the purpose of p*rn?
jvanevery 19
maybe you bat for the other team
Dyrtbagge_Skumme 1
Have you ever wanted to kiss a guy? It's ok if you've never wanted to kiss a guy (or anyone). Have you heard of asexuality? I don't want to imply that you are asexual or that you might be, but I thought for ages that I was "supposed" to want to be with a guy, and it turns out I'm just ace. On the other hand, if you do want to be with a guy, then I hope you find a good one and that the two of you would be very happy together!
KittyKat168 8
Sex isn't everything, OP! If you want it to happen, it will when you're ready :) Side note: you were probably Dream Stripper's favourite client if you took them out and fed them :3