Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML
Today, after sex, my wife of three months said, "You know, sex isn't as good now that we're married… Maybe we should take a break." I said we should spice things up. She said, firmly, "No, let's stop" and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML
Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML
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Top comments
FlashBurn 13
Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.
dannyboy66 7
sounds spicy
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Comments (249)
SexyLilBiGrl 0
awww u can have sex with me if it makes u feel better XD
ThickHead 0
I think its funny, try it on another girl is they say spice up :D
j_dixie 3
that's freakin hilarious!!!
TheresNoEffingwa 7
WIN!
teenagedream13 1
hahahahahahahaha I think that's funny
Seagulltears 2
It is sad when people can't appreciate good humor like yours!
ObeyTheSnarf 0
Maybe she thought it was one of those "get back in the kitchen ho" things. I don't think you meant it that way, but she might have taken it that way. FYL, OP. Buy some fuzzy handcuffs, whipped cream, and the strangest looking vibrator you can find, then explain you intended to lick the spices off her. ;) (ex. put some cinnamon on that whipped cream!) I've heard certain spices are considered aphrodisiacs.
Whittrocks777_fml 0
she has no sense of humor. I would have thought it was funny.
Nguyenydapooh 5
Your girl seems to be uptight.
ndhin831 2
nice try, but chicks don't do "funny"