Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML
Today, after sex, my wife of three months said, "You know, sex isn't as good now that we're married… Maybe we should take a break." I said we should spice things up. She said, firmly, "No, let's stop" and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML
Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
FlashBurn 13
Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.
dannyboy66 7
sounds spicy
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (249)
EvilPotato 15
that's the worst joke I ever heard.
ConradDavid 1
so are your stupid fries noob
EvilPotato 15
I want everyone that thumbed me down to go look up sarcasm in a dictionary, and then tell me what it means.
sassypants93 17
Your sarcasm fails.
ConradDavid 1
yea sarcasm really doesn't work on the web... just saying... better luck next time... and I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be considered sarcasm even in person...
EvilPotato 15
that's the worst joke I ever heard.
Blueglasscup 18
Tell me you're kidding and this is fake OP...
bubblekitty 1
I would get mad too
kportal69 5
clearly you don't have a sense of humor either.
bubblekitty 1
not if I'm being serious I don't.
IndigoFuckYou 9
Honestly, lighten up. if my boyfriend did this, I'd think it was adorable.
shilton87 5
haha I would have totally laughed at the joke! that is epic!
zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0
Ok, mods, might want to add a subject between if and could in the FML, I think "we" works there.
ItWasAllWorthIt 0
I would make love to you immediately if you did that.
afdude87 6
on the spices?
imcutefml 0
done!
mrbuckeye 2
Deal
Brezhna 0
^ wins
SteelCladAngel 0
I would have been angry too. it's hard enough telling your partner they're boring, and when they don't take you seriously it's insulting.
chili10 18
if I was in that situation and my boyfriend did that I would think it was cute and funny. people need to stop being so damn uptight.
SteelCladAngel 0
so you're perfectly comfortable insulting your significant others talent in bed by saying 'hey let's spice things up' int experience if a guy /is/ experienced there's no need to bring 'spice' to your sex life I hate when I try to have a serious conversation and people joke...it's insulting and shows they don't take me seriously there's a time to good around, an there are times /not/ to goof around
ClingyOtter 4
I don't know about you, but maybe a little bit of sex that is full of joking around sounds like spicing it up. Sex doesn't always have to be serious, bro. I would laugh my ass off if one of my future boyfriends did this.
sheethapins 13
Honestly I see it from both sides.
OhHeySlogan 4
Lighten up. He probably had intentions of talking to her seriously after. He saw an opportunity to make a joke and he did, and now his girlfriend is being a pissy bitch. Learn to laugh.
intheboot 0
I applaud OP's positive and comical response to what could have been a hurtful thing to hear from his GF. He was more than willing to open up and show that he was willing to do things to please her. If his GF was offended or upset then she needs to take OP's response as an example of how to handle the situation. OP, fyl for having an uptight gf. take her out to a nice resturaunt and bang her in the bathroom.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
News Flash: If you're relying on your partner's experience to keep your sex life exciting, you're doing it wrong.
carmy25 0
maybe he was good for all u know but the girl wanted some kinky shit just to switch things up and surprise her. I wouldn't take "let's spice things up" as an insult the girl is practically saying that she wants to get freakier in bed. that should be a he'll yeah
grumpybarista 0
Lighten up, steelclad. Jeez. You sound far too controlling for anyone to enjoy being around you.
ReynshineCutting 10
Irish Jane you're awesome! Ya my fiancé was a virgin when we met and he's the best I've ever had. Experience doesn't mean anything.
sourgirl101 29
Dill weed!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
He should dye his hair red and draw on some freckles. >.<
ConradDavid 1
Dill pickle!!!
Geneside 8
Lol thats a little funny XD