Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
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Top comments
Lauren10102 3
Climb out the window... NOW
FMLandurstoo 9
so you're posting the FML from the toilet?
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Comments (234)
SugarRushxx 0
Weren't there tissues or SOMETHING?
Kennzz 0
who keeps tissues in the bathroom?
skyttlz 32
who doesn't
Altosax 4
Maybe a pad even?
RaineLee 5
Oh that sucks. Should've went home after the date. Or you can use his shower & take a clean, warm bath then step out of the bathroom naked.
leemurcat 5
A clean bath? I can't imagine why anyone would take a dirty bath.. That seems rather counterproductive.
spacemanspiff78 7
I've heard of taking a shower with mud butt, but a bath? Nothing like lounging in shit water to get the hormones flowing i guess.
MurphyS94 4
23- bath= sitting in water with dirt and god knows what else from your skin floating all around you. Baths don't really get you clean...
RaineLee 5
Okay, I really meant take a shower. Sorry for the confusion.
Zaffro 8
you sir have just made me actually lol.
GayBaconStrip 0
Just have your boyfriend clean it up if your into that kinda stuff..
wordnerd42 0
Skid marks are soooo sexy.
GayBaconStrip 0
I bet they're a dirty couple.. She said it was a "hot date" :)
moosemonkey1000 6
He's not her boyfriend.
xXSKYLARXx 0
lol epic meal time "gay bacon strips gay bacon strips gay bacon strips" XD
airborn54 0
use your hand lol!
starsfan_9 7
haha yeah and then *insert another terrible idea*
iEatGuppies 0
aren't you classy?
justanotherrando_fml 2
That's when you use the powder somewhere else…
BIEBERSLAYER 10
after ten minutes I'm sure he knows something else is going on in there.
redbluegreen 41
The drain monster probably initiated it.
lajaynay 15
Use the loofah!!!
MrSexyPants 14
Or she could rinse it off in the shower! If there are no towels atleast she can airdry!
IIIiIII16 0
classic
samijade 0
You're always supposed to look first... "Honey, what's that stuff on your pants?" "Don't worry, it's just brown marker" That one always works..I would know.
Person1233 13
Why didn't you take a shower and ask your "hot date" to join you?