Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
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Top comments
Lauren10102 3
Climb out the window... NOW
FMLandurstoo 9
so you're posting the FML from the toilet?
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Comments (234)
jerome1995 4
haha that's such a win.
Trainspotting_fml 9
It's actually a load of shit
Iamnotmyself 17
A crappy ass situation?
OWNZ 0
POOP!! Well that sure is SHITTY! That is some real CRAP right there! You better RUNS away!
MagicGiraffe 12
That blows as much as you should be blowing
flockz 20
guy- "WHAT THE **** IS THAT UNGODLY STENCH?" op-" just powdering my nose... prggghhh* and uhhhh OH MY GOD I RELEASED THE DEMONS AND THEY REQUIRE TOILET PAPER. NOW!"
mrtoby 0
Ewww girls poop? lol
kellanlvr 1
powder your nose? people still do that?
StudMuffinette 17
well that spoiled the mood, eh?
juicedboi 7
Let's face it, that ain't a moodkiller for a guy. Your in his apartment already. He will be into you no matter what you do. Short of kicking him in the nuts anyway.
fthislyfe 22
You could have used your socks! Or maybe bra! Or maybe panties... Or you could use your bare hands! Lots of solutions! No need to freak out sweety :)
jamie72596 9
BARE HANDS?
F0xyTurtle 8
hey she was going to wash her hands anyways right? well... hopefully o.O
ally_85 1
ummmm hop in the shower??? ....strategically fresh
lolman222 0
yeah could have asked to take a shower and come out all wet. I'm sure he would have loved that.
free2speak 14
I'm surprised nobody mentioned, just sprinkle some powder back there. great for absorbing liquid and odor.
leemurcat 5
Maybe... okay, just hear me out... maybe it was a half bathroom? You know the ones that are just a toilet and sink? That's probably unlikely, though, since it's an apartment. Unless it's a large apartment? :P
Temi25 6
poop, where it is?
munhkin804 0
that's pretty gross then you would smell.....yeah great idea not
fmlwmty 0
powder your nose? r u in the 20th century?
BlackOpsPWNR 0
these are the shittiest comments I've ever seen, I mean c'mon! I can write better crap than these!
crisspz 4
but you didn't......
zuzupetalsYO 11
lol I hope you just sucked it up and asked him to bring you a roll.
zuzupetalsYO 11
lol I hope you just sucked it up and asked him to bring you a roll.
mboehm88 3
So how did you explain the explosive diarrhea sounds coming from the bathroom?
masher005 1
haha you were stranded then? shoulda checked under the sink =P
iliketwertles 2
I was actually thinking the same thing, what does that even mean? I've only ever heard old people say it on tv...
pompomkiwi 14
That's what I was thinking too.....
jerome1995 4
also first
shortstuffs23 7
Do you feel accomplished?
yummayy_ 11
what happened? you were first a second ago and i was number 2.. whaaat?? =(
jerome1995 4
Yes, yes I do.
yummayy_ 11
Ohh should have checked first. FYL :(
daisyloo 7
It's like the number one thing to check! I would think...FYL:(
fmlwmty 0
copycar
rd_404 0
should've checked first. ah but that sucks. FYL
Kennzz 0
yeah.. always check first.! but I'm sure he kept some in the bathroom somewhere. maybe under the sink or in a cabinet.
Marktheshark 0
There's never time to check when you're about to shit yourself, the only thing on your mind is if l you can make it to the toilet or not. Then you're like ahh i made it an then thats when you look over and realize theres no toilet paper :o
Tektite 14
Look for something to wipe your ass with and hide it. He probably brings home girls often and wouldn't know who did what.
redsfan 4
You should go get him and tell him to check it out; most guys would like that.
Lauren10102 3
Climb out the window... NOW
theten_fml 9
she's going to leave a trail lol
WallyTheWombat 0
It would be kinda weird if she was still there.
swittig 0
Use a towel then throw it out the window
MissSunny 6
damn that's horrible.
DontModMeDammit 10
There is shit everywhere!!!!!!
wordnerd42 0
It's in my raccoon wounds!!! D:
Tektite 14
Lmao @7. There's shit all over the walls!
sovetskiy 8
dumb and dumberer ftw?
JakeLee 6
I got the poo on meh. ( Joe dirt :P)
koshkaenigma 0
so what did u do? email me the answer [email protected]
lajaynay 15
the ****?
shortstuffs23 7
Exactly what I was thinking.
Corry_fml 1
bahhhhhhahahahahahah That's Classic. hope there was a wash rag close or something lol
FMLandurstoo 9
so you're posting the FML from the toilet?
whyask 0
She could of posted this FML like a week after this date but they all start with "Today,"
A7X_LoVeee 10
Don't be silly 64. She still has exploding diarrhea coming out of her bunghole. Sitting on the toilet does tend to get boring after awhile.