Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
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Top comments
Lauren10102 3
Climb out the window... NOW
FMLandurstoo 9
so you're posting the FML from the toilet?
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Comments (234)
mustasho 0
who calls it supper anymore?
IIIiIII16 0
who has mullets anymore?
Babalu722 3
LMFAO 40, good one
yomommma 6
That's not a mullet
Jordano4444 7
apparently she does
sarahmcgeee 5
someone who "powders their nose"
Tektite 14
105... You were born in 91.. STFU.
wtfitsxash 3
seriously though, how old is OP ... I mean she says "supper", and uses the phrase "powder my nose" ?? then has no control over her bowels all in the same scenario? if that doesn't scream older women, than I don't know what would. l0l! just kidding :p
shannon1029 4
this reminds me of dumb and dumber, when he had massive diarrhea, and the toilet wouldn't flush.
shannon1029 4
I accedently copied your comment because I didn't read yours before I posted my comment. haha sorry.
mag4dust 0
I could never take a shit in someone elses bathroom. especially on a first date lol but I guess that's just me... that really sucks I wonder what he was thinkin afte you walked out. "took long enough to powder ur nose eh?"
howslife123 0
well OP didn't really have a choice.. it sounds like it wasnt exactly planned
A7X_LoVeee 10
Honey if you have to go you have to go.
SteelCladAngel 0
so you'd rather have explosive diarrhea running down your leg than efficiently get rid of it in a toilet? diarrhea is well....sudden and unpredictable
constantine91 0
uh or you could just end the date and go home..?
Jezzababy 10
Yeah I totally agree, I have enough trouble doing it I. The share house I live in
IIIiIII16 0
crusty butt hole my fav.
FarSide 23
You should have used the same pad you used to powder your nose.
livin_plur 0
win!!
asb227 8
i feel bad for you
gigi03 5
Lmao fail
HeartAndSoul2011 0
what did you do next??
HeartAndSoul2011 0
ha, he's gonna expect a totally different look when you get back (cuz you took a long time)
Jesus_Christ69 0
great comment (y) this made my day.