Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
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Top comments
Lauren10102 3
Climb out the window... NOW
FMLandurstoo 9
so you're posting the FML from the toilet?
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Comments (234)
A7X_LoVeee 10
Since when is pooping 'beautiful' ?
leemurcat 5
No one recognizes sarcasm any more. *sigh*
SpicyDuck 22
what does he use when he has to take a shit....I'm sure it's more than a coincidence.
dtpace 0
what a shitty date
Jordano4444 7
Omg I feel bad for you! What did you do? Are you still in there air drying?
avianator 0
so did you powder your nose?
horrorfreak79nj 2
Are you 'hot' by any chance ? if so, you may be able to get away with this. (The two of you may find yourselves looking back & laughing about this in the near future.) However if your ugly, your screwed. (The only thing more disgusting than an ugly woman is an ugly woman deficating.).
Tektite 14
Lol... You shouldn't talk about the uglies like that ugly ;)
Tektite 14
Yeahhh... You're one to talk :)
horrorfreak79nj 2
You forgot to add the fact that I have a small penis & I'm retarded. And I occasionally forget to wipe myself 'properly.'
sarahmcgeee 5
you think diarrhea is beautiful? you should most defiantly work at an old people home when you grow up.
letmeloveyou 0
just wipe it on the walls. maybe write your name with it
IIIiIII16 0
I'm always down for some homemade finger paint.
Quagmire_ladies 9
so that's "powdering your nose" eh?...(note to self, write down in the womanictionary guide of female talk)