Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML
Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, I left for my shop in the work truck at 6 a.m. I was still in the process of waking up with my windows down, on a semi-busy street, when BAM! a bird flew in the window into the cab. FML
Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML
Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Boweezee 0
Even dead animals deserve respect. YDI for being disrespectful, and obviously not as clever as you thought.
KwitIt 0
I'm surprised it didn't just smear dead bird all over your windshield. Gross. You got kinda lucky.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (123)
ILoveJace01 0
Ew.
HipsterDoofus 0
#65, please, explain how, if you don't want to touch something, you pick up really fast? Telekinesis?
Pixon 0
Idiot.
iSmellNice 2
I was thinking exactly what #75 was thinking
wbrycem 0
5 - stfu. 43 ftw haha
missanica 0
#75 - Ok smartass, did you ever factor in the possibility that they came from the back of their car and didn't see their windshield? Ugh, there's times that I wish all the so-called animal rights activists out there would go play with the cute giant kitties in Africa. BOOHOO, grow some balls, and instead of worrying about a proper burial for a dead bird, get off your ignorant upper middle class ass and go out there to see what the world is really like, not the facade that's been created around you.
xanth 0
First, I don't see why people are questioning this. Haven't any of you tried using the wipers on snow or washer fluid with the window open? Some of it gets in the car. I would imagine the chances of that happening are even higher with a low sloping windshield and/or windows that slope in towards the car. Also to the people that for whatever reason are offended by this, grow up and start worrying about some of the real injustices in the world instead of the treatment of some bird carcass.
HipsterDoofus 0
#83. Snow is relatively weightless, susceptible to being able to be blown around in a multitude of directions. A dead bird is dead weight. Hence gravity taking over. We're talking 7th grade physics here, unless you want to wax intellectual about it, I think you should think about it a bit harder.
Lolitajv 0
YDI for being lazy. Had you grabbed a plastic bag and removed it by hand, you wouldn't have ended upi with a dead bird in your lap.
fretforyerlatte 0
84, snow can get to be pretty heavy. we're not talking about what gathers on the windsheild while driving, we're talking about clearing the car of snow. an inch or two of snow is certainly comparable to the weight of a dead bird. birds don't generally weigh very much. i doubt there was an albatross on the car. i'm just saying it's possible.