Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML
Today, I was told I have a brother… By a stranger in a parking lot, while leaving my grandfather's wake. FML
Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML
Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML
Today, I was driving my motorcycle, and I noticed someone was in the ditch, so I went to go help them. When the ambulance showed up, they ran over my bike, totaling it. FML
Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML
Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML
Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML
Today, after I just finished a 16-hour double shift, my brother asked me to ride with him to do an Instacart. While delivering these people’s groceries, his car overheated and oil light came on. He had no money, so I had to fix and pay for the parts. FML
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Top comments
alexh15 13
I see some family friction in the near future...
CaliGali 9
Hope he's ok OP things can be replaced but brothers can't.
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Comments (127)
deviable 9
At least he's alright and didn't kill himself.
tygerarmy 35
Someone owes you an apology and maybe a new bike.
narrowords 18
Does anyone realize that police dispatcher does not equal police officer? Most likely, OP is not sworn, and he'd need a permit to carry a taser or a gun. Get with the times, people.
TSN619 7
Thank you for pointing this out I was about to post this myself.
GoW_Chick 15
Well then OP should buy one and then use it, lots of people carry taser guns for protection. it really has nothing to do with "getting with times" just people making assumptions at a very early hour half awake, I myself included.
akayc32 0
13, which is a serious flaw! So many idiots in my lobby... We aren't sworm peace officers, just sworn TCOs.
swimmersrok 0
What did you eat for breakfast? Crabby patties? Yeesh! They were obviously joking.
darnellq 13
I was gonna say the same thing. I'm a cop and when I relay stories of our dispatchers to civilians they say the same things. They don't get that just because the person works for the police doesn't mean they get all the tools like us sworn officers.
chouter21 10
Tell him off!
nephilim241 19
From one biker to another, sorry to hear that OP - hope your brother isn't injured.. And then you can kick his ass later!
redbluegreen 41
If I didn't know better, I'd say this was written by my neighbor. The rider took out another neighbor's porch.
HannahWho 8
How does one take a porch for a ride without, you know, taking the rest of the house? Did you mean Porsh?
redbluegreen 41
No, I meant porch.
HannahWho 8
Oh, shit. I read it as someone borrowed their Porsh. But they crashed into the porch, ****. Discard my dumbass comment above, I got off the late shift. Damn... with what?
AndyRoo007 6
Is the FML for your bike or your brother?
Meraklez1013 9
I would say both but mostly the brother... Or the bike The world may never know!
AnagenisisZagus 13
You realise you didn't really answer the question, right?
ZooMzy 9
74- She did. It just didn't make any sense
sjaytee 6
I'd be pissed but I would be more worried about my brothers safety rather than my motorcycles.
b0ngs 7
Is the brother okay atleast?
andythegreat 0
Obviously people are not reading this, or they wouldn't tell dispatch to taze your own brother. Hope he's good. Hope the bikes ok. As a LEO, I say find some guys to just beat the hell out of him… assuming he's ok. I'd be more than just pissy I'd be straight ****** irate…
jerseyboy732 16
in my county dispatchers have the option of taking fire arms training and getting issued an off duty glock. and as for the taser I got one of those and I'm not a leo I'm a firefighter