Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, I went to the dentist, telling him proudly that I had flossed for two straight weeks. The dentist told me that flossing wouldn't undo “Whatever happened back there.” FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML
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Top comments
Schizomaniac 24
Yeah, you're definitely right. As a microbiology student, I can tell you that aquatic bacteria are generally more badass than those that thrive on hard surfaces. Ground bacteria usually abide by the 5 second rule because they respect the law, but aquatic species are outlaws. They don't give a ****. I actually saw "**** the police" tattooed on an aquatic bacterium's head one time. You don't mess with them.
OnlyAvailableID 28
It would explain the yellow stains on his teeth.
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Comments (54)
empath 20
Men have very few things that belong to them in a shared bathroom. Usually women fill the counters and shower with all their toiletries. All he wanted was one piece of floss to his name. It fell, he wasn't done, he did what he had to.
Connect 10
This is a fact. My girlfriend hasn't even moved in yet, and already she's got double the amount of stuff I've got in the bathroom.
Teen_Facts 10
Is it only me or I don't eat anything that touches the ground? Regardless of any places 0.o
KM96 24
Ewww ... I would postpone kissing him for a wee while
slurshies 11
as long as he hadn't done his business in the toilet yet, the water in the bowl is actually cleaner than tap water. crazy, huh?
thrifting 18
I don't even..
Schizomaniac 24
like finishing sentences? Yeah, yeah neither do..
A7XCamaro 19
People with short attention spans? But then again, there is...
Clam_igger 21
Batman?
Grauncho 27
It doesn't apply anywhere considering the very fraction of a second the piece of food comes in contact with a surface containing bacteria, millions of the bacteria ate already on it.
VScpu 3
Wonder how many times this happened before you caught him doing it
Jwcsway 6
Thats just nasty
SillyGirl4602 23
I don't know about anyone else but I just read this in Cleveland's voice.
B0u_fml 18
Hahaha indeed now you're saying it makes me laugh.
Atomic_Mushroom 14
Oh, wait. You have a bit of errr.. Stuff in your teeth.
Satoaoi 13
just no mhmm no nasty.
ChaoticBacon 6
By right, toilets have fewer bacteria than countertops. Dogs drink that water because they can tell its cleaner the water in their dish.
Reddress 1
Where did you learn that?