Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, I went to the dentist, telling him proudly that I had flossed for two straight weeks. The dentist told me that flossing wouldn't undo “Whatever happened back there.” FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML
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Top comments
Schizomaniac 24
Yeah, you're definitely right. As a microbiology student, I can tell you that aquatic bacteria are generally more badass than those that thrive on hard surfaces. Ground bacteria usually abide by the 5 second rule because they respect the law, but aquatic species are outlaws. They don't give a ****. I actually saw "**** the police" tattooed on an aquatic bacterium's head one time. You don't mess with them.
OnlyAvailableID 28
It would explain the yellow stains on his teeth.
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Comments (54)
ZeusWarrior 8
Depends on if the toilet was empty or filled
DREsWay 3
.....
jewelz1012 11
Hold off on kissing him anytime soon!
SunTzu2 9
Ha ha ha...
whY402Jay 12
Don't kiss him until you know he's been taking better care if his oral hygiene.
grossn 12
If it was an empty toilet, the water is clean, big whoop
manda1511 5
The water may be "clean" but it doesn't mean there isn't anything else in the water like bacteria and other things that will make you sick that you can't see.
manda1511 5
Oh that's just nasty. That's just...no. Just no.
Deviant_fml 5
WTF - I was eating here...
AgentClassyPants 9
Eh, he was just washing it off.... But then again, I was dropped on my head and drink beer in the morning.
AnimeCookie 9
The five second rule is not true, bacteria spreads enormously even if dropped on the floor.