Today, a weird friend of my father's decided to visit us. Our house isn't very big, so when he went to the bathroom, I could hear everything. He didn't wash his hands after a massive dump, and when he came out of the bathroom he patted my face. FML
texasrose921 tells us more.
Hi, I wrote this FML. Have any of you ever seen an older friend of the family you haven't seen in a while? They've most likely said something like, "Oh, how you've grown!" Or given you a compliment, and then given you a hug or patted you on the head. That's what happened with this guy. He was commenting on a compliment my dad gave me, and decided to pat my face, like a much older uncle would. It wasn't in any weird, predator way. But it was gross. And yes I scrubbed my face with anti-bacterial soap right after.
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Top comments
granCanyon 12
I'm afraid an acid bath is the only way.
sammiixoxo 12
Scrub your face for a good hour!
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Comments (93)
nephilim241 19
Sharing is caring! (I've never been tempted to wipe my face with hand sanitizer but under such circumstances...)
Enslaved 38
How about if the OP just squirts that same sanitizer in the guy's hands and says, "Here, have some hand lotion." If he calls her out that it's not actual lotion, act like you must have gotten the bottles mixed up. Better than him contaminating everything he touches in her house, right?
killmenow03 21
Do you normally randomly squirt lotion into other people's hands? That's a fairly strange habit..
Enslaved 38
Normally? No. Would I in this situation? You better believe I would!
wvcheesehead 13
He probably did not wipe, not as bad as it could have been.
jbombdighetty 11
Seeing as OP could hear everything he was doing in the bathroom, lotion is the last thing I'd give him.
SamSwebb 24
Oh god i'm so sorry, thats horrendous! Hope you took a looooong shower after ...
hugozac88 22
Dude what the heck?! I would have told him to go back and wash his hands
Biznu 4
I'm not even sure how to respond to this one...
photographer49 22
#3 then why comment?
Grey_Tempest 16
Then why dislike?
laden_swallow09 35
Because no one likes redundant commentary.
ChristianH39 30
Because if you have nothing to say, the smart thing to do is say nothing.
Darkness_Hate 29
Did you wash your face after? Hope it's yes.
sammiixoxo 12
Scrub your face for a good hour!
patrickalamo 48
Then put hand sanitizer on your face.
bluebluhblou 15
also use chlorine and drink some for good measure. you know, better safe than sorry.
pwnman 33
Sounds like a shitty situation. I would crap in my pants if this happened to me!
Nilorak 24
That pun is a shit overused...
badluckalex 23
why did you let him touch you at all!?
Morning_fml 22
OP was probably a little shocked and caught off-guard that by the time he realized what happened it was already too late.
Classy_Sassy_15 15
OP probably wouldn't be able to do much, but rub his face look his dads friend in the face and say I know what you did!!!
nena_andteax 6
More like "what you didn't do".
Ashwathi 21
I would scrub my face with soap until I couldn't feel it anymore.
botanistjessica 24
While I agree it's gross not to wash your hands after using the restroom, I think everyone's comments are a little extreme. It's not like he touched inside the toilet bowl. OP doesn't need to jump off a bridge or grow new face skin or anything drastic like that. Unless he did touch inside the toilet bowl. Then you can definitely go jump off that bridge.
slipstreak 10
#48 Everyone is freaking out because we are under the assumption that the dude wiped himself after the dump - except he didn't wash his hands. So he had shitty hands and then touched OP's face, which is disgusting.
greentide 9
You should come out of the bathroom with Nutella on your hand and pat him on the face with it
AngryRabbit 2
Ahahaha you're awesome.
angelk19 22
You need to get some faster reflexes lol. I would have slapped that hand away too quick!!