Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, I went to the dentist, telling him proudly that I had flossed for two straight weeks. The dentist told me that flossing wouldn't undo “Whatever happened back there.” FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML
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Top comments
Schizomaniac 24
Yeah, you're definitely right. As a microbiology student, I can tell you that aquatic bacteria are generally more badass than those that thrive on hard surfaces. Ground bacteria usually abide by the 5 second rule because they respect the law, but aquatic species are outlaws. They don't give a ****. I actually saw "**** the police" tattooed on an aquatic bacterium's head one time. You don't mess with them.
OnlyAvailableID 28
It would explain the yellow stains on his teeth.
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Comments (54)
AZ_Hockey_Dude 20
Vegans are a bunch of communist!
Alliekat1008 15
No offense but he is a moron
kev1029 22
Yes it does!
hopejm 5
maybe he had just cleaned the toilet, with lots of bleach? just trying to throw him a bone here.