Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, I went to the dentist, telling him proudly that I had flossed for two straight weeks. The dentist told me that flossing wouldn't undo “Whatever happened back there.” FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML
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Top comments
Schizomaniac 24
Yeah, you're definitely right. As a microbiology student, I can tell you that aquatic bacteria are generally more badass than those that thrive on hard surfaces. Ground bacteria usually abide by the 5 second rule because they respect the law, but aquatic species are outlaws. They don't give a ****. I actually saw "**** the police" tattooed on an aquatic bacterium's head one time. You don't mess with them.
OnlyAvailableID 28
It would explain the yellow stains on his teeth.
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Comments (54)
simoncat 11
Oh dear G@d! You actually kiss that mouth? Ew! Ew! Ew!
Reddress 1
I can't believe you had to explain anything. I thought it was a given that anything dropped in the toilet is flushed unless it will clog pipes or cause damage to a septic tank.
ravenxcorvinus 9
I imagine your husband drops more things in the toilet then you'd care to know OP...
dcats 13
I guess it's a lost cause to find out what happened before
slking1987 9
And you kiss that mouth on a fairly regular basis.
fmlforreal92 8
the 5 second rule doesn't exist anyway.
NoctisLiberi 10
It does however apply, if you're at a hospital xP
SmokeyPlague 12
legit potty mouth ha
julianhyde 5
Hey! At least he's flossing :)
Shmatterhorn 38
Wow! That is truly disgusting. SS, OP.