Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML
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Top comments
oj101 33
Drunken words are sober thoughts.
yoimtrollin 24
Good things come in tiny packages, she doesn't know what she's missing.
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Comments (65)
pinchepriscyla 9
Lmao what did your mom say?
grunt_fml 17
Get drunk at the next family meeting, start to cry and complain that you simply can´t satisfy your girlfriend, because she is so wide and worn, it feels like throwing a sausage into a sports hall.
DenBriZel 31
I agree maybe you should try harder? If a guy tries hard enough I'm sure they can do it.
hopeless511 3
Dude, that's the worst.
ulissey_fml 22
I'm curious to know what is going to come out of the SECOND get-together ?? If she makes it.
canialopez 3
Woah... Well first of all, let me tell you that size really doesn't matter. But don't put up with her saying that stuff to your MOM! Dump her ass.
take_lite 3
68 - size does matter and how one wields it matter too.Small size can work okay if wielded properly.
canialopez 3
73, I didn't realise you were a women. Like I said, size DOESN'T matter. It's all about technique.
caden_bro 9
Studies show it only takes 3 and a half inches to please a woman.
udolipixie 2
A link to those studies? I've never seen any study stating such in fact the ****** gap and the 30% chance of female ****** would show that it takes much more than 3/5'' of d*ck to please a gal. It seems you may be misunderstanding the studies stating the location of the g-spot and the g-spot being 3.5'' doesn't mean that's all it takes to please a gal when it comes to d*ck size since unlike the finger the d*ck is not as flexible to crook and bend to hit the g-spot. Size matters for both genders with big vaginas guys get a lose of sensation and with small d*cks gals get a lose of penetration sense, the rebounding effect of the d*ck on her vaginal walls, and the hot spots length can reach.
awilliams44 9
Lmao but orals easy
JMichael 26
Ouch, that's an ego burner..
mythicaltimes 15
It sounds like a (small) problem.