Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML
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Top comments
oj101 33
Drunken words are sober thoughts.
yoimtrollin 24
Good things come in tiny packages, she doesn't know what she's missing.
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Comments (65)
patterq 4
Dude having a small willy must be tough. I hope your put together like a god and have the face of channing tatum and ryan gosling combined.
worldclassrager 41
Well now you know and she probably will not...
pensacolalady 10
oj101 said it best!
kayvan 8
You should learn how to please women instead of whining about it on FML, then everyone wins. In vino veritas.
MissNicMcNic 4
Wow. Sounds like you picked a winner there. What a disrespectful thing to do and say and to the wrong person. Also, why would you cry about that? Maybe she's just too big.
QueenJay81 13
ooooommmmmmgggggg.... what did ur mom day????????
Goblin182 27
Aren't you supposed to suck at oral? At least a little.
ThatsLifeThough 6
Ooooomg. Your ego must be the size of a neuron. 0_o
udolipixie 2
YDI if it took your gf seemingly having an emotional breakdown to a stranger for you to make note of her lack of satisfaction during sex. I doubt this is the first time you were told this from her or the only inkling you had of her lack of pleasure unless you are solely/mainly focused on your own pleasure during sex besides half-hearted or short-timed failures of ***********.
TheMystery13 13
"Well maybe if you had said 'no' a few more times in your life your hole wouldn't be the size of a ******* watermelon!"