Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML
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Top comments
oj101 33
Drunken words are sober thoughts.
yoimtrollin 24
Good things come in tiny packages, she doesn't know what she's missing.
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Comments (65)
Retrokitty 9
I'm sure she will be just as embarrassed as you in the morning.
Damian95 16
Sounds to me like she is the kind of person that throws private matters out in the open. Watching her intake from now on is definitely a good idea.
Vinnie500 14
You fault. There are a MILLION and one books out there about how to please a woman. Try reading one.
OverFlash 15
But if his GF is isn't telling him that he's not good enough, how the hell do you propose he finds out?
limabeans101029 21
Maybe he didn't realize she wasn't enjoying it. I think if she doesn't think he's good at it, she should be the one to take the initiative and tell him what he could do to make it better for her. It should be something he learns from her, not from a book.
Vinnie500 14
If he is THAT dumb, that he CAN NOT realize that she isn't enjoying it. Then he might want to come out of the closet and find a boyfriend.
limabeans101029 21
She might've been faking enjoying it. A lot of girls do that.
thingslikethat 18
well if she is faking enjoying it it is her fault. I find communication is best in a relationship. she should have told him what she likes.
limabeans101029 21
Exactly, that's my point. :)
BrotherPhil 35
A million and one books, and any of them that are worth reading will say that she needs to let him know what she enjoys.
Waredo_Dyrge 11
@Vinnie: Or you could just rely on a combination of trial & error and communication instead of depending on a book.
caden_bro 9
If his girlfriend does not inform him he is bad at oral, and she pretends to be pleasures by it, how would he know to improve his skills?
darwin333 11
After your first dumb post you then you straight to "he must be gay", I don't know but I would be more inclined to think that you are suppressing inner desires about men than him.
abhi5 2
I guess ur mom did have dejavu when ur girlfriend started to complain...!
graceinsheepwear 34
Why would the mom have deja vu about a conversation about OP's size and skill in bed? Kinda weird.
abhi5 2
that's bcoz mom may had the similar experiences with OP's dad...and hence the small penis and skills were a genetic trait from his dad...!got it...??
caden_bro 9
Skills can not be inherited. They are learned. And penis size isn't completely dependent on the father.
graceinsheepwear 34
Perhaps you should learn how she likes to get oral and perfect that technique.
cryssycakesx3 23
"since you humiliated me in front of my mom and the rest of my family I guess I'll practice making you ******." **** that and **** her.
Hang_vt 6
Why penis size are always being concerned ??? btw i have a big one
Teyros 24
The fact that you have to assure everyone could mean otherwise..
PandaBurst 10
Learn to flick the bean with your tongue. Not that hard dude. The best of us can.
an3ph 20
Drunks and children do not lie. I have some email offers you'll want to look at.
an3ph 20
And you expected what exactly?