Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML
Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML
Today, I woke up and realized that the "nice dream" I'd had was just about talking to people. FML
Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replied, "You farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML
Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
You were having a sex dream. Don't lie.
montgomery634 0
hahaha that's really funny
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Comments (110)
Chazlol 7
LOL.
peepo 0
YDI for sleeping.
Jakester 0
wait so by your logic the OP deserved it for sleeping like everybody else? that makes perfect sense! NOT!!
Shyman4ever 0
That sounds amusing
Pwibble 2
Hahahaha. Also STFU to everyone who says its not a shitty enough FML: people's lives getting REALLY ****** aren't this funny!
Sleyah 3
Heh, are you sure she wasn't just pulling your leg, telling you that? I mean...wow. XD
EcGyMz 0
I am so confused. Can someone please explain this to me.
dr_house_MD 0
oh good lord. how can you ever recover. its unlikely that youll get into college, or get a job. you should just give up now
freudianego 0
Your friend AWOKE you? So then you were wake? It seems you just accidentally the grammar.
dan4114 2
What the hell!?!?! 'Awoke' is a real word and has been used correctly here! Why don't you stop being an ass and just enjoy the stories without having to prove your own ignorance?
Chiaki_fml 0
^Looks like you just accidentally your sense of humour. That's probably bad. Don't troll just cos you don't get the joke, mmk? That's what Urban Dictonary and ED are for. :D
mmMOO 0
sounds more like a mylifeisg i think its pretty awesome
mostprobablynot 0
Haha. That's funny. It reminds me of the first night I spent with my boyfriend. He went to sleep before me and talked dirty while sleeping. I thought it was funny as hell but didn't tell him at the time because I figured he would have been embarrassed.