Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML
Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML
Today, I woke up and realized that the "nice dream" I'd had was just about talking to people. FML
Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replied, "You farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML
Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
You were having a sex dream. Don't lie.
montgomery634 0
hahaha that's really funny
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Comments (110)
premiermois 5
Two possibilities: 1) You are retarded. 2) Your friend was lying. Or more likely a combination of the two.
tranekfny 0
hows that a fml?
MadeOfAwesome 1
Lmao, I'm not gonna complain that this isn't an FML, cuz it's still funny, so I'll let it slide xP
tigrouficele2012 44
Hahaha, thank you. I needed a laugh, and that was hilarious. XD At least you weren't dreaming about her! I once had a sleepover with a friend of mine and woke up crying and shouting because I dreamed she had moved to another country.
nonotme 0
I once woke my then-fiance up cause i had a dream where she had broken up with me and I needed the support and reassurance. OP, this is great. One of the few FMLs worthy of being posted. Thanks!
bexox 0
Haha! My boyfriend once woke me up because I was talking about peaches in my sleep.
alexbeathalo2 4
He was probably high
diabetic_rage 0
how in the hell does this (which is NOT an FML) get published while my stories never do?! this is bullshit
little_mermaid_fml 0
um AGREEEd.
NewLight8421 0
you need to word it fantastically. example of a favorite fml, partially by wording: Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a hobo slapped me with a bag of skittles. FML (sorry if i worded it a bit differently!!! i cant perfectly remember the fml)
jaaxx_fml 0
LOL XD
zoombabwee 0
Wow this made me laugh so hard it's sooo hilarious
diabetic_rage 0
what are you? 10?
InsanePlagued 0
Age doesn't matter, it's all in how the person looks at things. who said you have to be 10 to have a good sense of humor?
diabetic_rage 0
I'm pretty sure age mattered when you laughed at fart jokes when you were a little kid. Probably wouldn't laugh at it now, am I right?
fyourlife33 0
definitely in no way a reasonable fml.. dont ever write one again op
fckaduck 0
So? FMLs are suckish and boring lately... OP, next time just laugh and move on with your life.
lilajeanlynn 0
if it's on the flipping site it's an FML. so for the love of god stop saying "this is not an FML" Quit your bitching.