Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at 4 a.m., my back sore from being twisted like a pretzel due to my toddler. I successfully moved him, then my sick baby woke up, tried to nurse, screamed because he couldn’t breathe through his nose, screamed because I suctioned his nose, tried to nurse a blanket, then screamed when I offered him an actual boob. FML
Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML
Today, my newborn daughter has kept me up all day and all night for the past few days. Usually my husband sleeps. I finally cracked and yelled for his help, only for him to scream at me that he needs sleep and gives her to me anyway. FML
Today, my daughter has an ear infection and hasn’t slept more than 15 minutes a night for the last three days. Well tonight she was finally asleep, but I needed to take my own tablets. I had a violent coughing fit while choking on them, and woke her up. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, and every day for the past 3 years, my daughter has consistently woken me up throughout the night to nurse. Bonus? She’s up by 7:00am in the morning and falls asleep around 10pm and it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep. I’m mentally and physically drained, and exhausted. FML
Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML
Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
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Top comments
awildwhisper 30
That sounds absolutely terrifying. I'm too selfish for kids, I enjoy having more than an hour of sleep a night.
RichardPencil 32
Whoa! You didn't even get through one year with her without her wanting to kill you! Good luck with that.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
Whoa! You didn't even get through one year with her without her wanting to kill you! Good luck with that.
awildwhisper 30
That sounds absolutely terrifying. I'm too selfish for kids, I enjoy having more than an hour of sleep a night.
It_gets_better 20
Reading this up all night with my 3-month-old and that's HILARIOUS.
Shzusuziq 16
Put her in a crib right near you. I always thought it’s not good to sleep with them when they are that young anyway.
thomasthedankengine 11
throw it away