Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML
Today, not even a week after I was laid off from my job, I got a call from my old boss. He offered me a "new" job at the company, which turned out to be just like my old one, but with drastically reduced pay. I'm so broke and desperate that I accepted. FML
Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML
flufee2 tells us more.
flufee2 27
The person i had ordering was a close friend of which i am very comfortable with. I guess you could say i got a little too comfortable! After we realized what I did, we just laughed and brushed it off. From now on i will make sure i wear gloves because I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone i don't know!
Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML
Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML
Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML
Today, I had my teacher look over my essay before turning it in. He said it was extremely well-written, so I handed it in. When I got it back, the feedback he left said it was one of the worst essays he'd ever read. FML
Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cellphone, which I had left behind in a lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years-old." FML
Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me, and when I asked why we never hung out, he told me that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML
Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML
Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML
heartmytrucker tells us more.
Ok, some details, My boyfriend is a truck driver, the job he was offered would have meant a dedicated run instead of what he does now, which is just hoping that the workers get his load ready in time, otherwise he ends up losing a day of work, he already knows that he gets paid less than most of the other drivers in our area. The biggest problem is that his boss is his stepfather and he felt like he would be leaving him high and dry. And I totally agree that money isn't everything, but this new job meant not just more money but also more home time to spend with me and our daughter. On the upside though after I sent this one we sat down and had a long talk and he did decide to take the new job after all (I think it helped that the new place told him they were going to buy him a new truck!).
Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML
Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML
Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML
Today, while already late for work, a cop pulled me over. When he got to my window, he said, "Oh sorry, I thought I knew you," and sent me on my way. I was relieved, but still got written up for being late to work. My boss didn't believe the story. FML
mcmacmick97 tells us more.
Just to clear some things up I was working the early shift, which I do on most Thursdays and Fridays. I work at a small diner that opens at 7 and had left my house around 6:40 and was going to show up around 7-7:05. My boss usually shows up around 7:15-:7:30. Now when this cop put his lights on behind me I turned down a street to get off of the main road I was on.I was getting my license/registration ready and all that shit and he pulled up to my window and said he was very sorry and he was just trying to say hi to an old friend that he said had the same car as i do. Now this road i pulled down didn't allow me to get back onto the main road, and I had to take a 15 or so minute detour to get back on track. I got there around 7:25 and my boss was already there. I was glad I didn't get a ticket, but it was still very frustrating because I would've only been a couple minutes late and my boss would never have known, but the police officer threw my time off. And ive only been working there for about 3 or so weeks so it sucks to get off on the wrong foot. I also noticed several of you talking about how many write-ups you can get before being fired, and for mine it's 3. Like somebody else said just sucks to waste one already, but i shouldnt have too much of a problem keeping myself in check. Now for the story I told him, I figured he wouldn't believe it, but had to tell anyway. He seemed more irritated that I was "lying" about being late so i probably shouldnt have even bothered. But thanks FML for posting!
Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML
war_monkey tells us more.
It started on april fools with some very lame joke and he has decided to carry on with it and screw around. Thanks for all of the funny comments and yes, I wanted to punch jeff in the face. He has stopped and I showed him the published FML, XD.
Today, a customer threw his hot coffee all over me, because it was taking "too long" for their credit card to be approved. FML
cwl727 tells us more.
cwl727 33
So I am doing a follow up on this because for some reason a different name was put as the author, I have contacted FML about it. This happened about 2 years ago when I worked at a theme park in Orlando. The guy was buying tickets and I told him that the computer told me I had to call the credit card company. I asked if he wanted me to use a different card and he said no and was fine with me calling to get authorization. I was on hold with the company and it was taking too long for him. He started complaining and I told him I was on hold but instead of calming down he threw his coffee on me. It was not scorching hot but it was hot enough that it did burn a bit. Security came over and escorted him off the premises and he is now banned from the entire company's property. I didn't sue in fact it was just another story to tell my friends and family.
Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML
Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML
Today, my coworkers continued their new favorite game: staring at me in total unnerving silence. I can't help but be reminded of serial killers. FML
Today, I was working at a coffee shop. I was serving a customer when a cockroach appeared out of nowhere, and I screamed. Customers aren't supposed to know about the bugs so I had to lie and say I spilled coffee on myself, and served the customer while I felt the bug climbing up my leg. FML
bubblooz tells us more.
bubblooz 13
Hey! it's the OP posting. I'm very surprised this got posted. Here is some information about the fml/my job. 1) We had a health inspector come last week and our place passed the exam. We are actually a very clean place. 2) The bug problem is being taken care of. There are traps all over the place and a pest control guy is coming in soon. Bugs are very hard to get rid of. Once eggs are laid, they will stay there forever. And the place used to be a KFC. 3) We barely see the bugs actually crawling around. That's a reason why I screamed, it was my first time actually seeing one. 4) Bugs do not go in the drinks or food. Customers watch me make their lattes, pour their coffee, heat their wraps, etc. 5)Even if the health inspector didn't come, if I was to complain and the place shut down- me and all my coworkers would lose our income. Also, typically every food place has their dirty secrets like this. Welcome to the food industry. 4) I am only 16 years old, however I need this job. I can't afford to quit. I pay my cell phone bill and majority of my necessities, and I am saving up for university. 5) I have been looking for a new job for a few months. I am handing out resumes constantly at malls and applying online. It's not easy... especially because I'm a part time student with little experience. The moment I have another job, I will give my two weeks notice in. And also, this experience was horrifying. I screamed so loud I startled the customers. I hate bugs. Once I was finished serving the customer I ran to the bathroom, got the bug off me, and then adjusted my pants so I could tuck them into my boots. I appreciate all the comments and the funny jokes!
Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML
Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML
Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML
Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML
Today, I was stuck in the elevator for almost two hours. Where was the elevator mechanic? Next to me in the elevator. FML
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