Today, a super cute girl at college approached me and I thought all my Christmases had come at once, until she said, “Do you realise someone has written 'Tiny Penis' on your forehead in black marker?” It must have been my brother while I was asleep last night. I’d been at college 4 hours FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML
Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML
Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night, so I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. That's when he said, "You have lettuce in your teeth." FML
Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML
Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML
Today, while I was in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been Facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
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Top comments
whatshername?! 39
So you should take a look in the mirror sometimes. A good time would be in the morning, where regular people wash their faces and brush their teeth. Or maybe when you comb your hair. Then you would have noticed something like this.
AstroTurf Matador_602345635 10
To quote Ross from "Friends", who was quoting a student of his: "Dude, don't you ever wash your face?"
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Comments (5)
whatshername?! 39
So you should take a look in the mirror sometimes. A good time would be in the morning, where regular people wash their faces and brush their teeth. Or maybe when you comb your hair. Then you would have noticed something like this.
AstroTurf Matador_602345635 10
To quote Ross from "Friends", who was quoting a student of his: "Dude, don't you ever wash your face?"
RichardPencil 32
If that were a lie, you should have whipped out your non-tiny penis to show her the truth. You can't have a pretty girl spreading false rumors about you at a new place.
HouseOfM 8
If that's your reaction to anyone remotely attractive approaching what are you doing? The fact that you react to that way is probably. Is probably a good indication that you need some help of some kind. That kind of reaction can be a huge turn off for women.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
You didn't look in a mirror all day? Bathrooms have mirrors... did you not use the bathroom at all since you got up?