Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML
Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML
Today, at my retail job, I tried on one of our hats. My co-worker told me I shouldn't because I could get lice. I laughed it off and told her I didn't believe her. Man, do I believe her now. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML
Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "Fainting Goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML
Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML
Today, my boss wanted to talk to me. Nervous, I went to her office. Turns out that my coworkers talk about me behind my back, and my boss is worried about me. Apparently, I lie about my bad knees, and me wearing black leggings is horrible. Most of them wear sweatpants on a daily basis. FML
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Top comments
ShadowNinja445 12
Have some fun, OP. Play along too
Queen_bee1234 21
Time to call an exorcist.
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Comments (111)
Queen_bee1234 21
Time to call an exorcist.
IloveToLaugh143 21
Exorcists are for demons. Dmeons however, might need the aid of something stronger, like a dictionary.
cumberbunny 17
Yes, the ancient power of the dictionary always drives away dmeons.
sofakingmexican 15
Now that this fml got edited, no one with understand these two comments
MortenM 17
*will. Very ironic
ocramavaf 15
power of the demon right there
parism143 28
^ I think you mean dmeon
ShadowNinja445 12
Have some fun, OP. Play along too
Rallred32 20
Then sacrifice their souls to satan.
Gibbles987 5
Forget Satan. Sacrifice them to our great dark lord Cthulu.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
Why not both? ~mexican music~
russfml 31
Haha ya, just what I was thinking. Start foaming from the mouth, get some demon contacts and start shaking pretending you're possessed. It would be priceless lol
paigexox0 37
Id turn around and look at her with demon looking contacts in and talk really creepily so she goes running to your boss, then take them out and act like nothing happened.
Nevermind212 11
Tell them you can't expose yourself to the sun
titandesu 14
and decorate your cubicle with random upside down crosses or pentagrams make sure they're very subtle
jealkim 6
Ane just randomly pretend to have a seizure while muttering giberish
Ytharr_Taaz 10
That spelling error bothers me greatly.
PageantGirlXOXO 16
I read it in my head with a French accent.
davidpropert 32
Actually, "dmeons" are even worse than "demons"... Dmeons are the evil influence that cause all of the horrid spelling mistakes in this world
ComoEsJuan 24
"I choose you, Dmeon, go!"
Rallred32 20
"Don't get too close, it's dark inside, it's where my dmeons hide, it's where my dmeons hide"
IloveToLaugh143 21
You didn't even spell it the way OP did...fail.
rocker_chick23 27
#3: It bothers me greatly too. I would have ignored it if the OP wasn't from the US. A US citizen should know how to spell a simple word as demon.
cyanidesandwich 21
It's called a typo bro, just a mistake, not intentional.
domolovesyoshi 33
What spelling error?
deard4 11
It was fixed.
Liyuesigs 8
Join them and prove your coworker right.
tigerborn69 18
Sucks bro.
ILoveMyArm 15
like totes! lolz
thomcmoore 23
Solid response.
Rehak27 3
well, are you?
Insane94 17
See if you can get in on it with your boss and play pranks on the crazy person.
andits 21
Say you are a demon and you're here for him/her
Welshite 40
You're infused with the fires of Hell, so of course you don't feel the cold. And bleeding from your nose is a sign that your Master is displeased. I see her point.
jillyanzen 19
Just ignore those two morons who clearly have nothing better to do, apart from being entertained by such nonsense.
lickastick 27
Yes, great advice! Ignore the boss!