Today, it's been a week since my husband woke up with what the hospital says is transient amnesia. He’s lost about 15 years of memories and thinks he’s in his 20’s. We’ve only been married 5 years, and dated 3 years before that, so he has no idea who I am, has no idea his parents are dead, or who our son is. FML
Today, I noticed some of my thongs were stretched out and now hung loose on my hips. I thought it might be the dryer set too hot but no, apparently my mom has been wearing them over her fat ass, and thought I wouldn’t mind since we occasionally share our hoodies. Not the same thing mom. GROSS. FML
Today, it's been 3 weeks since we had dinner with my sister's new girlfriend, who made us a Chinese soup that was "good for digestion". I’ve had cast iron bowels for 32 years with no problems, but for the 3 weeks since that soup, I have to shit brown water 10 times a day and I’m in agony. I think she poisoned me. FML
Today, I learned that being kicked in the vagina by your brat brother not only makes you vomit from the pain, it also makes you get a period an hour later so unbelievably more painful than usual, you're forced to use the real good painkillers left over from your dad's spine surgery. FML
Today, my nose finally unblocked after a week of having a cold. Now all I can smell is the disgusting stench of my husband's pits. We've argued three times already about his refusal to shower more than once a week. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML
Today, I entered my late twenties. My hair's falling out and I'm putting on weight at light speed. At least I can keep my youthful appearance with the acne I still suffer from. FML
Today, it's my sixth month of working out 5 days a week, watching what I eat while my family eats like kings, and only losing 2lbs. It's also the day husband said he misses my 20 year-old body and no longer finds me attractive, but that's okay because he "loves me anyways and it's good to know where we stand." FML
Today, I told my dad I wasn’t feeling well, to which his response was to interrupt me and say, “Nope. Not buying it.” I have never faked an illness in my life, and this time I vomited in front of my entire class. FML
Today, my boss took back the raise he promised me, because I'm “not as resilient as I made him believe.” Well yes, I had the audacity to get sick at an inconvenient time for the company, and I am hardly able to leave my bed, let alone work. Which is apparently due to a “lack of positive mindset.” FML
Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML
Today, we're finally at an age where my wife will try to negotiate how old she has to admit to being. It’s ridiculous. At her last doctor's appointment, she was asked her age, she’s 52 but claimed to be only 40, and I had to argue her up to admitting to 48. FML
Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML
Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML
Today, I asked my parents to babysit my kids for an hour so that I could visit the doctor for my asthma, which has worsened over the past two days. Apparently I'm a bad mother, and it's OK if I stop breathing, but shouldn't leave my kids to go out alone. My husband was at the gym the entire evening. FML
Today, my ex told my boss I’d been faking my negative Covid tests. A complete lie, but I had to take a test in front of my boss, just in case. It was positive. I have never faked a test and had no idea I was infected, but my boss fired me for faking tests. FML
Today, as usual, my parents do not believe that I have schizophrenia. The hallucinations won’t stop and I still can’t get used to how scary they are. FML
Today, I'm planning a long awaited trip to Australia to see family I haven't seen since before the pandemic. I use CBD for pain, and everything I've read contradicts itself. I have no idea if I can take it with me, buy it there, or have to get a prescription or whatever. I guess I'm going to be in pain the whole time. FML
Today, I was having a pretty good day, until my depression decided to ruin it. My depression sporadically "appears" every other day, and when it does, it doesn't go away for the rest of the day, so I'm doomed to spend the rest of the day feeling extremely down in the dumps, and I can't explain why. FML
Today, a woman tried to break into my home, assaulted my housemate and carer, because our nasty neighbour is spreading rumors that we are reporting the whole street to the council. We are both shut-ins, we don't know anyone, all cause we own dogs but they sleep a lot due to ill health, so WTF? FML
Laura-Marie Catmom tells us more.
Op here we did report her but the police are useless.
Today, my date told me that he, his parents, and grandparents, believe that all doctors, but especially dentists, are nothing but drug-pushing crooks, and therefore completely unnecessary. Oh and the fact that they’ve all lost their teeth is “genetic” and has nothing to do with their hygiene. FML
Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML
Today, I hit my target weight for the first time since high school. As a result, my girlfriend refuses to hook up with me, because her slutty cousins are now too interested in me, and she assumes I'm leading them on. I've never met them in person, because they live in Russia. FML
Today, despite getting all vaccinations and taking all precautions, I've tested positive for Covid. Again. FML
Today, I was mistaken for an 8th grader because of my height. I'm 32 years-old. FML
Today, I have a condition that when I get nervous, I get horrible diarrhea. I was taking an online math test worth a huge portion of my grade when I felt the rumble. Turning off the camera is an automatic fail, so I had to take my laptop to the bathroom with me. The teacher kicked me out of class. FML
Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I’ve been dealing with depression, and apologized for my bad moods. I wrote him three kinda long-story-short messages telling him why. His response? “It’s alright” and continued playing Raft. I expected something more… empathic? Am I selfish? FML
Today, I was rushed to hospital with two ribs sticking out of my chest, with blood everywhere, but did I get sympathy from my sister? No, I got accused of being hit by a forklift on purpose to ruin her birthday party, then she tried to rip my bandages off to "prove I was faking the whole thing" and split my stitches. FML
Today, I realized there are only three things keeping me from committing suicide: My pets, my fictional comfort character, and the knowledge that if I failed, I’d not only be institutionalized, but be kicked out of my very Catholic high school. FML
Today, I learned I'm one of the biggest contributors to my sister's severe body issues and eating disorder. Apparently, my constantly making jokes about her having a giant butt wasn't just harmless teasing after all. FML
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