Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML
Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law decided that she is going to be in charge of planning my wedding. All decisions must be approved by her, and anything she doesn't like will be thrown out. She also wants to go on our honeymoon with us to make sure I don't "defile" her son. FML
Today, after fishing for 5 hours, I finally caught a respectable-sized fish. I ran to my truck to grab the scale, and then I saw my friend laughing hysterically while holding an empty net. Apparently, the only catch of our day jumped out of the net during the 15 seconds I was gone. FML
Today, my phone charger caught fire. I was thankful to be there to witness it. I was not thankful for having been holding it while this happened, as my shirt caught on fire. FML
Today, as I was getting x-rays of my arm, I heard one technician ask another, "Are you sure those are hers?" At 17, I have weaker bones than my grandma. FML
Today, I needed the toilet in the night. Walking through my pitch black house barefoot, I felt something squish beneath my heel. Thinking it was a morsel of previously dropped food, I turned on the light to clean it up. My eyes met a twitching gecko body, with a flattened, exploded head. FML
Kakapo4Ever tells us more.
Kakapo4Ever 11
This is OP here. Firstly, I live in Oxfordshire, England as of now but I used to live in Singapore, which is tropical, so geckos were everywhere, inside and out - especially as our house had a relatively wild and unkempt garden. They weren't any trouble at all and the only ways of keeping them out of the house were cruel, so yeah they were just all over the walls and floors. This is when the FML happened. Secondly, it's not outlandish to assume someone may have dropped a bit of food on the floor is it? Surely more likely than a ******* gecko head. And yes I agree the true FML is for the gecko...twas a tragic night :(
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex-girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML
Today, an officer ticketed me for texting while driving. Apparently, getting dumped costs $180. FML
Today, I got a splinter in my shop class. The teacher dug at it with tweezers for a while, then told me that my best bet would be to wait until the wound got infected and formed a bunch of pus around the splinter to force it out. It's in my dominant hand's palm. FML
Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML
Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML
Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML
Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelled the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML
Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML
Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML
Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML
nykkymcallister tells us more.
This is my FML!! I'm honestly surprised it got published. To add more to this, me and my husband both got smart watched (no not Apple watches) because I had gotten one and he wanted to steal it so I got him one too. I said that we should go around our yard and act like we're in a James Bond movie and he agreed. The neighbors didn't know it was us which is why the cops were called. No charges were pressed and my neighbors were fine with us being in their bushes after we told them what we were doing and they even wanted to join us lol. Thank you for all the nice comments!
Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML
Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML
Today, I took my AP US History exam. For some reason, my school let the school nurse proctor the exam. She read the instructions for the wrong test and told us to seal up our tests, despite having another section left in that book. She wouldn't listen to us when we tried to tell her. FML
soccerswim20 tells us more.
Yes, we did all get to retake the exam. Our principal called the College Board and told them what happened, and they said we could either skip the section in the now sealed book wait until the next testing date. We decided to wait and took a different version of the test. And the second time our school counselor proctored so there were no problems! So moral of the story, if something the test proctor is telling you seems wrong, SPEAK UP.
Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML
Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML
Today, the lawn I've been devoting all my efforts to saving from a nasty grub infestation isn't going to make it, but apparently the grass I noticed growing in my gutters is doing just fine. FML.
Today, as a Uber driver, a passenger requested a ride at 5:30 a.m. so he could go a half block to the McDonald's drive thru and back. FML
aviationgeek tells us more.
Op here. the guy didn't tip or offer to buy me any food. it was a $3 fare.
Today, I got my grades back. I got a very poor evaluation for my lit class, which was odd because it didn't match the impression from my end-of-class meeting with the professor. It does, however, include a nod to the supposedly-anonymous negative class review I gave her, though. FML
Today, a TV crew filmed my house for a real estate show. They got an actor to pretend he owned the place but wanted to move. The host kept saying how shit my house is, and while talking about me with his producer, he said, "Know how I know he ain't a fag? Fags can actually decorate." FML
Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML
Today, I recieved a failing grade on my huge end-of-term project. My group members forgot to put my name on it. FML
centaursTesticle tells us more.
Hey everyone, this is my FML! #15 got it closest... I've been working on this project for about 3 weeks with my group members, and I have definitely done my fair share of the work in that time. All of us met up the night before it was due to type it all up, put it together and double check everything, but I had to leave that meeting much earlier than everyone else. Hence, they forgot to put my name on it :/ Thanks, guys.... I contacted my professor as soon as I saw the grade, and my group backed me up and admitted that they made a mistake. I was SUPER scared and pissed off but it got resolved! We got an A-! :D
Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML
Today, I woke up to hear dripping water in the kitchen. Thinking it was someone getting a glass of water or something, I came out to find that it was just a mouse drowning in my dog's water bowl. FML
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