Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers asked if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML
All the FMLs
YOLO
Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer my 2+ weeks notice so they'd have time to find a replacement, I was told to pack up and leave immediately. Now I'm out a month's pay because I gave notice instead of just leaving. FML
Dad! No!
Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML
Today, I was wrapping up my move in a 16-foot truck with my car in tow. Google rerouted me to avoid traffic... through a state park. The road had only one lane. I can still hear the phalanx of cars honking at me. FML
Today, my phone ran out of space, so I downloaded an app to store all my photos online. After everything transferred, I deleted the 1,000+ photos from my phone, along with the "recently deleted" file since it was also taking up space. The app is now empty of all "downloaded photos". FML
Today, I taught a high school class on public speaking. When I explained how important it was for a presentation to be polished and professional, one kid asked, "Is it professional for your skirt to be tucked into your underwear? I didn't know they made My Little Pony panties for adults." FML
Well Played
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML
Urine trouble
Today, while working at the vet, we had a familiar little dog show up for a minor procedure. The dog always sits on its owner's lap on the drive over, and always gets peed on. Not talking about dog pee. And we're not allowed to bathe it because that service costs extra. FML
Today, I was fired. For no reason, at all. Literally. And it's totally legal. Thanks to my state being an "at will" employment state. FML
axon Impulse tells us more.
OP, here. To clarify, there honestly was no reason for my dismissal. I did not sign anything, I had absolutely NO disciplinary actions against me, I did very well for the company (my position actually made money), and there was no "glaring personality flaw" (though, for me to insist that, I recognize the irony in not acknowledging my shortcomings, but I also have taken a true, objective stand back and reflected on this, and I am at a total loss as to what happened). Towards the end, the CEO and I we're not exactly seeing eye-to-eye, but I was not insubordinate and the company owners loved me. When I asked for a reason, I was told there was no reason, and even the paperwork submitted to the unemployment office stated there was no reason. So, in short, There. Was. No. Reason. This has been very difficult for me to wrap my head around and it has been hard trying to pick up the pieces. I honestly reflect every single day on what I did and what I can learn from this and how I can improve and move on. I have not had any closure and I have done my best to accept this and move forward with confidence. Thanks for the support from most of you, but also thanks for the reality slap from the rest of you. It reminds me that world may be cruel, but that I will still strive to be the best that I can be despite how others try to tear me down. I hope no one else has to experience this. Take care, FML family.
Today, I had to comfort my wife after she found out that her boyfriend wasn't faithful to her. FML
Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML
Today, my mom called me a "useless spoiled brat" because I refused to drive my sister across the city just to buy flavored gelatin. I've had Amoebic Dysentery for 3 days now and need constant bathroom access. FML
Today, our old internet provider withdrew over $1,000 from our account for equipment they acknowledged receiving weeks ago, using preauthorized debit they claimed to have cancelled. Reimbursement will take 4 to 8 weeks. Our first mortgage payment is due just hours before my next pay cheque. FML
MommyMerida tells us more.
OP here! Here's the full story. I live in Quebec, where we have basically two providers for telecommunication services, plus a few small redistributors. I'd had major issues with one of them in the past (another long story culminating with a phone rep yelling at me about how sometimes it's the customer's fault, admitting it was their fault once they finally listened to what I had to say and then their manager trying to charge me hundreds of dollars to fix their screwup) so we decided to go with the other, but after a couple years of crappy service with them we decided to cancel our cable and internet with them and give a redistributor a chance. They sent us the necessary slips and we returned our rented equipment using the mail services they had specified. So when we received a bill for over $1,000 the next month, my husband called to clear it up and was told that they could see in their system the equipment had been received, but it could take them up to two billing cycles to process the returns and they would give us a credit once it was done. He asked to speak to a manager, who said he would process it right away and cancel our preauthorized debit to make sure it didn't go through. Three weeks later, it did. That time, when he called, my husband was told that cancelling payments could take up to a month to process and we should have put a stop payment on it with our bank. The whole thing was ridiculous since they had all the equipment the whole time. We were able to make some transfers and pay our mortgage on time, but timing was just terrible and our savings are somewhat depleted right now since we did just buy a house about a month ago and were required to put a lot down due to my husband being self-employed! We did go to our bank to report this, and after a short investigation they were able to refund us a couple of days ago. But after all that we will definitely be cancelling what remaining services we had with that provider!
Today, while staying at my mother-in-law's house, I came back from a family gathering to find that her dogs had ruined my laptop charger. This is after she assured me I didn't have to worry about them doing it. FML
CrazyTrainWreck tells us more.
OP here: 1. To the gentleman (or gentlewoman, didn't bother to check) who said I stole her little boy, no that would be girl. So yeah there is that. 2. I don't hate my mother-in-law nor does she hate me. Hell her family treats me better than my own. Now let me get on with the back story: We we're out there (in Texas from Arizona) due to my Mother-in-law getting remarried. We got a call that one of my in-laws was broken down and needed help, so I got up to help. I asked my mother-in-law if she could put my laptop and charger away. She told me I didn't have to worry, the dogs wouldn't chew it up etc but she would put it up. It's not a big deal apart from the fact they live in a small town in Texas and it's a bit of a drive to get to a store with new cords. With wedding preparations and all that, wasn't an option right away to get a new one. Hope that clears up some confusion though I'm sure I just created more. (Also this is my first posted FML, yay)
Today, my family was going to go out on a boat to celebrate Independence Day. We agreed we'd be at the marina by 11:45 AM. It's currently 1:45 PM and half of the family is still asleep while two are nursing hangovers. FML
Today, after buying a new pair of prescription glasses, I went to the beach. The ocean now has a new pair of glasses. FML
Today, I managed to pay my rent in full for once. My bank called me on suspicion of fraud. FML
milksquad tells us more.
OP here! Dunno if I'll count as "verified" because I submitted the FML without signing up for an account. But it's all good! I'm actually glad that my bank is so thorough as I've had my debit card stolen before. This time around I was using Venmo which apparently isn't a certified merchant, or something? So they just had me confirm my personal details and it went through. Mainly FML because I was stressed that I was paying rent last minute (my own fault). All in all, everything went swimmingly, and I have added faith in my bank's ability to protect my money!
Today, while delivering for a building supply company, I was sent to an incorrect address. I attempted to turn around and got the 24-foot truck stuck in the mud. The homeowner left for work and then called the cops, saying someone was trespassing on his property. FML
Get on with it
Today, I've been in my old hometown visiting because my sister is having her baby. I scheduled the trip a full week after her due date, and still no baby. We tried everything to start her labor. I had to go back home, and as soon as my plane landed, I got a text saying she just gave birth. FML
Locked out
Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coat rack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house, naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML
Today, the university bike permit that I'd ordered half a year ago finally arrived. Unfortunately, my bike was stolen months ago. FML
Cats are Satan's Minions
Today, I learned that our cats love to knock over glasses and cups, particularly if they have liquid in them. The latest victim of their antics? My expensive computer keyboard. FML
Today, my toddler threw a screaming, rampaging fit, because I ate the last chocolate mousse from the fridge. Did I forget to mention said toddler is actually my 52 year old dad? FML
Hammertime
Today, like every other day, I didn't stop at the stop sign right before my house because it's pointless and there's never any cops patrolling my neighborhood. Boy, was I wrong this time. FML
A few good men?
Today, I was visiting my in-laws and sharing a room with my husband's 17-year-old sister. Later that night she and her brother of 24 years started fist-fighting over an air mattress and I had to pull them off each other. The brother later berated me with, "You can't handle any pressure!" FML
Classic scam
Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML
More whine?
Today, my parents came back from their holiday and were constantly asking about "the girl I had over". They thought so because of the two wine glasses in the dishwasher. I didn't have anyone over. I just got drunk two nights in a row and was too lazy to clean the first one. FML
Sonofaquiche tells us more.
Hey guy and girls, OP here. As someone mentioned drinking age is different in Germany. Roughly speaking: Beer and Wine at the age of 16, the hard stuff at 18. So don't worry about me being an underage drinker ;) they probably thought so since i had someone over before, when they were gone, but always told them. They're cool with it though. Also i definitely do not have an alcohol problem. Actually i rarely drink at all. These were just two nights in a row on which i enjoyed sitting outside, looking at the sunset, listening to music and drinking a glass or two of wine. So i didn't even get drunk. Concerning the drink from the bottle tip: rest assured it will be taken into consideration for the next time :D
It's a doggy dog world
Today, I got a call from my mom-in-law saying I have to buy my own food. I took 3 weeks off on unpaid vacation and came out of state to watch my in-laws' house and dog sit while they go out of country. I'm not allowed to touch their food, even the spoiling stuff. My husband doesn't believe me. FML